what are some funny quotes,sayings and riddles?

i want to know some funny quotes and stuff just so i can make my friends laugh...i used to be the funniest kid in my school but not anymore so i need to come up with some stuff...it can be dirty or nasty...anything that is funny.

here are some :
-How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
-I'd like to help you out; which way did you come in?
-Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
-For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
-I just got lost in thought; it was unfamiliar territory
-I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out
-I’m failing geometry because I refuse to believe that pie are squared
-Always remember: you're unique. Just like everyone else
-Schizophrenia beats being alone
-The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it!!

*dora the explorer*

dora: (sing the stupid dora song) can you say back pack? say back pack

kids: back pack

dora: louder!

kids: why?

dora: don't question it! just do it

Never trust a fart.

wet farts.