Reply to Thread

Second Go

Lol, you really do resonate with me, maybe because i relate to some of what you've described in your frienRAB, music, lifestyle, etc. On a totally side note, isn't it cool that this huge world is now so much smaller & more accessible?! And no, I don't "blame canada"--least not anymore hehehe. I knew going into this that the odRAB were long that I would need to take opiates for this ankle again at some point--just for surgery and whatnot. Was even told that by the very pain mgmt doc who so eagerly put me on the rapid detox and sent me packing from the practice. What I didn't expect was to have a problem so soon.

But I AM NOT THROWING IN THE TOWEL OR THINKING I'VE FAILED AT THIS! We had an ice storm, I have a shitty ankle, is what it is. And in looking back at all I went through mentally over that 1/2 pill, I am actually proud of myself. There were soooo many other routes to getting pills, legal routes most of all, that would have offered me more of them, stronger of them, etc. I hated to have to take in any after this struggle so far, but I CHOSE to take as very little as I could, and your assessment is right. I haven't had any new cravings, nor increase in withdrawal symptoms.

I will admit this, only to you (and the millions who read these posts lmao)--I was and have been a toker for a long time. That was never my prob--neither that nor any other stuff but opiates. Could toke every day, then it'd dry up and go months that way. In fact, for years of this ankle thing, that's what I'd do to relieve the pain when it occurred, no probs. I did toke twice in the last couple weeks, very small amounts, with a friend. I don't have any around, don't keep it around at the moment. But I can say, FOR ME, it so greatly helped me with the bad symptoms those 2 times recently, and I was able to not only eat & keep it down, but also to go to sleep w/o any Klonapin. To me, natural things have always been preferred to chemically processed stuff. And, as we all know each of us is different, I know that my demon is opiates. Proof's in the pudding, as they say.

I'm very proud of you and what you're now going through these past couple days and those to come. We both know the difference between having some level of opiate in the system, and none at all. And I am thankful to have found a place where even the most unseemly of topics (think we both know what we're talking here) aren't off the table. We both deal with them, we ALL, all of us opiate addicts, go through them. I am still kinda amazed at myself that I do so much talking on here--despite being a girl, I'm usually pretty slow to open up on many things, especially ones that involve emotion. But I am doing it, and it's helping, you and the boarRAB are helping more than you could know, I only hope reading my garb might be in someway helpful to you, and as many others as might also do so. And to compare where I am now to where I was when I started this process over 2 weeks ago, what a lucky gal I am! As always, THANK YOU

Second Go

Funny how its the lifestyle that is missed. I miss it more than the drug also. I was thrown into withdrawal and had to stop on a dime. 10 days in jail did that for me.
I will never go back to using "illegal" drugs ever again. And now, six months post-drug use, I really don't miss that lifestyle but it was interesting especially since I have ADHD.

Like emsmom says, don't lose faith

Second Go

so today I had a morphine 50 in am, a codeine 30 mg tea in afternoon, and I just now made another codeine 30 tea (its 11:30 pm).

Ive been downloading music for the last 2 hours, I get a rush from new tunes! Im gonna surf for another hour then go to bed, got another day off tommorrow, wooo!!!!. I should use the day off to refrain from doing morphine in morning, and just allow myself to 'hurt' in the privacy of my house, listen to the tunes i dowloaded today n try to do LESS!... gnite for now

iLL probably wake up at 3 or 4 am in aches, so ill post then..

Second Go

10 am---> Day 2 free of opiates!!!! Going to meet friend for coffee! I feel great today. the aches are there, but nothing I cant handle.... hmmmmm JJ Bean coffee, 7-11, or Starbucks??? lol

talk to you all in a few hours

Second Go

up at 4am (work at 6:30). I got up to use washroom and boy do my joints ache. But the ache seems to go away, if i walk around and strecth a bit, but doesnt go away completely.

Im making a codeine 30 mg tea right now 4 am. Im using codeine to kinda trick my body into thinking theres no morphine here (codeine is less potent than morphine i believe, so if i can minimize my morphine intake, it will make this process better.)

I do however have some "greys" 100mgs of morph. Ill use at work if i get in a real panic or pain, but am trying to refrain from using it.

Second Go

its friday morning, 6 am getting ready for work. im making my morphine tea 50 mg, cause im very achy and am late for work, so in order to get my butt in gear, i felt i needed something. aggggh and this was the day i intended and planned on waking early, doing stretches and seeing if i could do without anything this morning.

ok, now my goal then is to not take anything else all day! ill be back with my pass or fail ...gotta run now...owww...i mean ...walk ....lol.

good luck to everyone today, remeraber were not alone in this, and dont beat urself up if u slip up a bit. DAY by DAY agh im late!

Second Go

Sunday 8am. its gloomy outside rainy n all. i just woke. im not a happy camper because a friend of mine has my morphine. all i have is 3 codeine 30s.

i am off to work. im sore, but im not going to take these until i really need them. im cranky and just wish i had a day off to 'struggle' w the pain,

ill prob take them around noon, 3, and 6 pm. then i have no more meRAB. im assuming my friend did my morphines and is waiting until he can replace them before he answers my calls.

im not going to whine about this. This may be a blessing in disquise. I may be taking my last 3 pills. It is starting to dawn on me that ive been dragging this on quite a long time. the good thing is i have the next 3 days off. it would just be smart for me to ride it out. i know i said i wouldnt touch any benzos, but i may need to ask my gf's friend for a couple ativans to sleep the next few nights. This might be it.

my pain isnt unbearable right now, im hoping it can stay at this level. Im going to try to 'mind over matter' this situation, rather than worry about what the following days have in store. Ive done it before, it was tough, but I did it. And the last time I detoxed was off of 2 years of oxys everyday. Right now im detoxing off of, oh, i'd say 5 months of morphine/codeine everyday. I personally feel that morphne is less powerful on my body. I havnt gotten high in the last 5 months, it just took the edge away, so im almost used to feeling 'sober' everyday. These pills have jusy been like a crutch, to make my day smoother, guess its time to take it how it comes. I said i want to be one of those people saying "20 days off opiates and managing alright....". That now is my goal....i dont want my goal to be hunting down my friend to give me more of what i have been trying to get away from. Thats my logical frontal lobe speaking. Now my lower lirabic system part of my brain, and amygdala (the little peanut sized thing in the center that controls anger) is telling me that I am not very happy with my frienRAB actions this week. I dont want to hear excuses from him, i actually would rather not talk to him, this whole week or maybe two. Then maybe i can look back and laugh. but for now its gonna be a crappy day at work. i wish you all a greater day than I!!!!!...ill talk to you all in 8 hours or so, my mind willl prob be in all sorts of diff places, will be interesting...

guess i should go buy my gravol, gatorade, trail mix, immodium, st johns wort tea, vit b, and benaryl. argg!

Second Go

about the benzos, Ill do a couple a week, maybe a valium on tues and a clonazepam say thurs or something, I havnt had any for a week, I think ill stay off em now, thanks for the input.

And the reason I cold Turkey'd the first time is that I was at a rave 9 hours away from home, and I ran out, and NO ONE had opiates up there, I felt like an outkast, so yeah, I was literally forced to cold turkey it (was rough).

I do plan on weaning off this time....last morphine i took was 5 hrs ago 50 mg...imma try to keep it goin as long as i can today.

appreciate the feedback! I find that conversation helps a lot too. Most people try to do it all by themselves....which is dangerous and difficult.... ill log latr tonight..

oh edit: I work full time so Im busy always

Second Go

You probably feel better now that your girlfriend knows, eh? I remeraber when I finally told my husband - it was like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had terrible guilt, knowing I was keeping something so big from the person I gave my whole heart to. He had always been very supportive of me no matter what, but the longer I went without telling him, the worse my addiction got so I just kept holding it in.

I know what you mean about missing Oxy's. I did too at first. I wasn't having cravings, but I missed the fast paced life they gave me. I found myself extremely bored cause I wasn't out searching for pills, money, calling my dealer etc. I had to find new ways to occupy my time, and believe me, the motivation was just not there. So, even though the Suboxone took away the cravings and stopped the withdrawal, I still had to work very hard to establish new, positive habits.

Anyhow, we are driving to Toronto tomorrow morning so I'll be on the road most of the day. I'm bringing my laptop but probably won't get online until saturday afternoon so I hope the next couple days go well for you. Keep your goal in mind and don't lose faith

emsmom

Second Go

I ended up taking a nap, and i just woke at 4 pm, im going to make a codeine 30 tea...My legs are achy and im a bit agro, so this will chill me out.