Reply to Thread

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Hey Ice!

I am so proud of you! It seems like you are really getting your affairs in order! You have come so far and you should be so proud of yourself.

I just wanted to say hello and wish you well!

Blessings!

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

hey things are going good, still adjusting, been getting out more, keeping busy with work so i dont vegitate infront of the tv and computer like i used to so iam not online as much. been taking fish oil and i swear by the stuff,more energy, been sleeping better, and on my bloodwork my cholestorol has never been so low, same with triclycerides. i want to be the only "pill" iam on for the rest of my life. going to start exercising more in the near future, dont wana do too much too quick.....take care

Ice

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Hi Ice


It's been awhile, hasn't it? My life has been a bit hectic (for my life) and I have not been posting much. Easter, birthdays and out-of-town company have kept me busy of late. Also, some extra duty babysitting for the grandbabies to help out during a small family crisis. Then poor hubby's back went out and I needed to care for him. All-in-all, probably more activity than I have had in a long time. I have been able to rest the last couple of days and feel more refreshed now.

How goes it wqith you, Buddy? Have you maintained? I sure hope so. Sometimes when we get back into the 'swing" of life, it can be a overwhelming. If the pills call our names during overwhelming times, we have got to push that voice down and march on. The calling stops eventually. Yes, it does. A time will come when pills won't even enter our thinking as we go through life sober. We become more and more able to function without them as a coping skill. I get a boost everytime I just face life head on and deal with whatever falls in my path. It boosts my confidence and I think to myself, "Yes, I can do this." Funny the things that used to send me into a spiral of panic... a visit with frienRAB or family, thinking about a chore or a bill that was due. I look back now and see that I had taught myself to fear everything. Blah. It was a lousy life like that.

So we reteach the old brain new tricks. Smiles. Never too old or too far gone to work on that. I still have much to learn and look forward to the lessons that come.

Give a shout when you can. I continue to hold you up in my prayers and thoughts.

Always
reach

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Ice

Where are you, Buddy? Check in when you can, okay?

reach

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

What a story, i had no idea you battled cancer. I had cancer when i was only a few months old my dad discovered a bump on the bottom of my leg. the doctors had no idea what it was, couldnt figure it out. so they sent 3 biopsys to different parts of the country. finally a diganosis was found and it was a very rare type of cancer. my dad told me what it was awhile ago i forget the name but extremely rare kind. my parents were left which a tough decision, amputate my leg at the knee or die.

Of course my parents picked the first choice or else i would not be here sharing my story . Iam grateful to be alive, and i want to really LIVE again (without pills) without the drug haze as i like to call it that just follows u every step in life. so looks.... like we have more than one thing in common my friend Reach. we both battled and survived cancer.

I grew up with a prosthetic. i get around great, i USED to be very active in sports before the dang drugs took a hold of me, i remeraber when i was a kid id head out in the morning and just take off on the bike or go play football with frienRAB until nighttime. This is who iam and ive always accepted it.

The pills however are NOT who iam. So...I will keep fighting, day by day, I will be in your shoes someday Reach. Things are getting easier slowly, i feel better than yesterday.

Iam trilled to hear about you seeing your family, and that you can TRUELY enjoy it. that really made my smile. family is so important, frienRAB as well.


Talk with you later buddy. :wave:

Ice

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

ya its insane the cycle, i think all the time why am i doing this to myself?? its crazy not the way to deal with life and i realize that. you should be proud of yourself as well secrets, i wana be where you and reach are someday

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Hey Reach, gettin ready for for so gota make this quick. Alls good, been busy as well which is a good thing. bah! theres of ton of erranRAB i have to run myself. so many things which ive let go. Iam looking foward to getting things back in order with a clear head!

Gina hang in there,and listen to Reach. Shes helped me a ton and continues to. shes battled the same thing we're goin through so she can relate. hang tuff!

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Hi Ice

'Tis late Sunday morning and soon I will be going on a little outing with family. Going to a great-niece's hockey game an hour away. I have not seen this piece of our family for probably 15 years. Last I saw this great-niece she was about 4 years old. Now she is a senior in college! Then we are all going out to lunch. This is all a big deal because a few years ago this little outing would have seemed unfathomable to me. I was so isolated in my drug haze that I would have simply stayed home and then felt sorry for myself that I had not gone with everyone else. I am so thankful that today I can look forward to this with a bit of excitement and happiness.

My pill use started about 15 years ago when I was in treatment for cancer. Radiation burned me so badly towarRAB the end of treatment that I was prescribed pain meRAB. I am thinking maybe it was Vicodin. After the radiation, I had a huge surgery to remove the mass from my thigh. I was cut from under my breast almost to the knee. The mass was removed along with a large muscle, lymph nodes and a lot of tissue. Nerves were also severed in the process. The pain was unbelieveable. I was on a self-administered morphine pump for 16 days in the hospital. Before I was released, I was weaned down to Percocet. I was bedridden for a couple of months and in constant pain. Laying there with nothing to do but think was a very depressing situation. My Mom, my Dad and my uncle had all been diagnosed with cancer the year before I was. Dad and Uncle died, mom survived. I was the caretaker for all three. My life was still reeling from all of it when I was diagnosed. I think, in retrospect, it was way back then that I started crossing the line with the painmeRAB and using them to block out the mental pain as much as the physical pain.

As the years progressed, I needed more and more meRAB to achive any relief. I went through all of them... Morphine, patches, Oxycontin, you name it. Stronger meRAB and more of them. The meRAB killed the pain enough for me to struggle through work each day. Then I would come home and crash until the next day. That was my life...work, crash, start over the next day. I did more and more damage to my leg as I over-used it with the meRAB masking the pain. I did more and more mental damage to myself as I was exhausted from the pain and the meRAB and the meRAB were pushing me deeper and deeper into depression. Somewhere along the line, Xanax was added off label to help with the nerve damage. It did help, but man oh man, talk about a demon addictive drug. It helped the leg a lot, but also helped knock me out. And I wanted to be knocked out. I didn't want to deal with all the grief and pain of my parents' cancer, my uncle's, the deaths and my own situation. As with the opiates, I took more and more of the Xanax to keep my self knocked out physically and emotionally.

And it all caught up with me in a massive breakdown that left me totally broken in spirit, mind and body. By the time my hubby got me to the doctor that day, I could do nothing but sob uncontrollably. That was the day my family doctor said, "Enough!" He took control and set up a withdrawal plan for me. I was totally compliant as I had no will to be anything else. About a month into it is when I found this board and that is when you and I met up.

As I withdrew, the depression slowly, slowly left me. There was a second layer of depression that came from the withdrawal and I recognized that. However, I was able to fight that with the tools I gained as I withdrew and I could feel the fight coming back to me. It took me a year to finally feel that I was 'me' again. I still dragged alot as will always deal with the aftermath of the cancer treatment. I can accept that now, though, but I rediscovered the joy of participating in life again.

So, today, I am going to participate in abit of a family outing. It feels good, Ice. Good to be alive and face each new day with anticiaption and not fear. It took a lot of baby steps to get here, but I am here and hope to stay here always.

My fight against the depression and drugs was the hardest of ny life. It was also the most worthwhile. I learned so much about me, about my world, about so many things. I have gained tools that help me in every area of my life. I like, I love, living again!

Peace
reach

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Hi Ice

Buddy, I truly appreciate your kind worRAB to me. It is a blessing to be able to help someone else out of this nightmare. It was a horrible shock to me right into my very depths to find myself so wrapped up in the pills. I had so much to learn about addiction, about myself. It was honestly a time of revelation for me. I was knocked so hard on my butt and wasn't sure I would ever get up again. With help, I did. Now, when I can share what I have learned to help someone else get up, I do it with a full heart. There are some worRAB from an old song that play in my head sometimes...

"I will pass this way but once, If there's any good thing I can do, Let me do it now, For I may never pass this way again."

I have always liked those worRAB, but once I got clean and felt so renewed and restored in my mind and body again, they took on a deeper feeling of truth for me. Yes, I do feel like I have reached 'greener pastures' and there is nothing more rewarding than welcoming company here.

I am glad we are frienRAB. FrienRAB care about each other. We want the best for each other.

Stand tall, stay strong
reach

Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

Hi Buddy

Well, I have been up most of the night.. still hacking and coughing with this bronchial thing. Feeling better during the day, but the constant coughing at night is wearing me down. My husband and mom and granRABon had it and the durab cough lasts about 4 weeks. Bummer.

Anyway, I was wondering how things are going for you? Hoping all is well. Hoping also you have looked into some aftercare. Yeah, I know, I am a nag. Chuckles. I think it might surprise you how good some aftercare will feel whatever the choice for it is.

Are you still enjoying the company of your lady? Smiles. I am glad happiness is finding its way back into your life. So much of it is available to us if we keep ourselves in condition to receive it. When we isolate in drug use, we stop even be able to see the opportunities for happiness. I longed for it for way too much time when all along it was in my own hanRAB to do something to find it again. Wasted time. Bah! Can not dwell in the past, but good to learn from it, huh?

Take care and give a shout out when you can.

In my thougfhts and heart
reach