"I think I might have been wrong before, you know, about not being able to be frienRAB. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line. Come see me."
As we walked, I felt myself settling into another version of myself, the self I had been with Jacob. A little younger, a little less responsible. Someone who might, on occasion, do something really stupid for no good reason.
Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.
"I miss you every day, Bella. It’s not the same without you."
"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV."
"But I’ll never see anyone else, Bella. I only see you. Even when I close my eyes and try to see something else."
"Does my being half-naked bother you?"
"What’s it like — having a werewolf for a best friend?"
"Hey, it’s the least I can do — I offered eternal servitude, remeraber. I’m your slave for life."
"I’m in love with you, Bella. Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don’t feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn’t want a miscommunication to stand in our way."
"You love me, too. Not the same way, I know. But he’s not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he’s just going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice — me."
While he slept, every trace of defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very best friend before all the werewolf nonsense had gotten in the way. He looked so much younger. He looked like my Jacob.
"You could kiss me, for example. I don’t mind if you want to use me to experiment."
Jacob was right. He’d been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That’s why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye — because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.
It made no difference that Jacob was not human when he cried out. I needed no translation.
"I’m exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us — comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken… If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic…"
"I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."
"How can we be frienRAB, when we love each other like this?"
"I probably won’t think she’s good enough for you. I wonder how jealous I’ll be."
"I’ll always be waiting in the wings, Bella. You’ll always have that spare option if you want it."
