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A man suddenly hears the voice of God. For several moments he is astounded, then finally says, "God, can I ask you some questions?"
"Yes, my child," God says
"What is a million years to you?" he asks
"A million years is but a second in my infinite life," God says
The man thinks for a minute, then with a glint in his eye, asks, "What is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars is as insignificant as a penny in my eyes," God replies
The man smiles, then says beseechingly, "God, may I have a penny?"
"of course, my son,"God says. "Just give me a second."
Another good joke, taken from a girl's college application essay
A man dies and stands outside the gates of heaven. Instead of Saint Peter, he is greeted by two men in business suits.
"Am I going to heaven?" the deceased man asks.
"We're not sure yet," Suit 1 says. "We have to make sure you're a good fit for this establishment."
"How are you going to decide that?" the man asks.
Did you have any extracurricular activities?" Suit 1 says. "Such as charity work or good deed?"
"I invented the SAT," the man says proudly.
"I remember that tests. My daughter studied for six months and only got an 1100," Suit 2 grumbles
"So can I go to heaven?" the man asks hopefully.
"Not yet. You still need to take the Heavenly Aptitude Test," Suit 1 explains
"A test?" the man cries. "But I didn't take the Kaplan course
"You don't need the Kaplan course," Suit 2 assures him. "The test is designed to reflect intelligence without studying."
So the man takes the test, and in no time the scantron is fed into a computer and the scores are spit out.
"Unfortunately, you got a 500. But don't worry, the people down South are far less selective."

LOL! That's a good one, I like it.

I don't specialize in religious jokes, but I have a few tasteless dead baby jokes. But you didn't ask for those.

religion is already funny.

good joke, i only have two words for you George Carlin!
"religion actually has convinced people that there's an invisible man, living in the sky, that watches everything you do every minute of every day, and the invisible man has a special list of ten things he doesn't want you to do, and if you do any of this ten things he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish were he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever til the end of time, but he loves you; he loves you and he needs money! he always needs money! hes all power full all perfect all knowing and all wise and somehow just can't handle money"

the airliner captain dies, and goes to hell.
he is lalowed to choose the form of his eternal punishment.
first room, the cockpit filled with smoke, pilots dying in flames.. he says nono
second room, the aircraft yells as it flies in a steep dive towards the ground, passengers yelling, alarms yelling.. once again he refuses.
third room,
nice and sunny calm day, stewardess giving a b***job to the captain.
Our newcomer wants to join this sort of punishment. Satan looks into the papers and says "oops wrong room, 'tis one for stewards"

Might not be a joke ABOUT religion, but its close enough:

Joe and Bob are these two great friends, both in there mid 30s.
One night, Joe was driving Bob home, and they got into a car accident. Joe woke up to see The Pearly Gates. He walked up to St. Peter and asked if he was in heaven. St. Peter told him he was, then Joe asked him where Bob was.

"I'm sorry, Joe, but Bob went to Hell," St. Peter said.
"Oh...Well, can I see him once more before I go through The Pearly Gates?" Joe asked.
"Sure, why not?" St. Peter responded. Shortly there was an image of Bob in Hell in front of Joe. Bob was sitting with a very hot girl on his left, and a large keg of beer on his right.
"That can't be hell, look at that girl!" Joe said.
St. Peter grinned and then told Joe, "Looks can be deceiving my friend. See that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. See that girl? She doesn't!"

a jew walks into a room with an erection what hits the wall first. . .




HIS NOSE!!! HAHAH

Please do not take offence

"A lot of (Fundamentalist) Christians wear cross round thier necks, do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f****ing cross? That's like goin' up to Jackie Onasis with a littler sniper rifle pendant! Hey Jackie! Just thinking of John.."

-Bill Hicks.

I dunno, i'd have to think about it and get back to you.

One way to make God laugh is to tell him what you have planned.
You're the jock sherlock.

What's the difference between a Catholic and a catheter?

One's full of piss and the other's full of sh**.