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I have problems about publishing my book?

I'd like my works to be published I might not get enough support and I lack confidence and determination. There were so many opportunities I didn't take advantage of. My father would make a site for my stories, his officemate wanted to send it to a publishing company, One time, there was this German woman who is a philantrophist who gives financial support to the person who made illustrations in my book. She was delighted upon seeing how talented he was in sketching and gave him a check for $500. She also asked me if she could publish my work in Germany but I refused her offer and I think she took the book to Germany. It's gruelling to get feedbacks and keep editing. Many times I felt lazy to continue a story and don't know when will I continue. Writing is a torture in the process but you'll be proud once you finished it. Even if people say how articulate I am, I don't believe in myself. Sometimes it shows what I post in facebook, although I can be quite talkative as I like to elaborate my insights. There was a time I joined a contest and my work got rejected and was randomly selected in an essay writing contest and lost because I feel the topic I got was vague and awkward. I guess I don't really have to feel bad about it, they say everyone's gifted by God with talents but only a few get recognized by society. I also fear criticism and blame myself when someone criticizes me. Relatives who can view my works can't really critique for fear of hurting my feelings and cause of bias. I have a proposal that my works will be published once I die. My cousins will continue my legacy as a writer and they'll get all the benefits. They'll be answering interviews, receiving awards, put their signatures in booksigning and they'll get all the profit I'm supposed to get from all my works. They'll do it in honor of me once I die. A dead person might be given more consideration by society. The only problem is what if I would be the last to die among my cousins? I guess the odds of that is low, it might be the other way around that I'll die ahead of all of them. If my death would pave the way for my writing to be recognized, so be it. Maybe we'll discuss this further and possibly generate better solutions. Atleast, I have something to look forward to once I die. Is this a good idea or not? Is there a better solution to these problems?
Till now I regret of not making use of the available oppurtunities. This might never come along again, I feel this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.