Do i still love him or is he controverting?

I am now going threw a break up. my ex keeps on breaking up with me we been going out off and on for the past two years.(all of them he broken up with me) i am trying to keep my self busy. I have gone on and on asking my self what did i do wrong. I tried not to be whiny and tryed to be low mantence. He said that if we didn't break up we would fight all the time. and he said that i was just using him as confert, and that he did horrible things to me that no guy in a realtion ship should do (not physical abuse may be mental) He put me down a lot. and said he only got back together with me cause he couldn't bare to see me so upset and i was apparently killing my self (i wasn't) that i needed to get help ( which i already was and was and doing well) I am excelling at life right now but i still at night miss stupid things about him like his laugh, i love his laugh, and his attention on me, he hands, he had beautiful hands, his kisses on the forhead, he was funny, he was a spark to life for me, on my worse days he could make me smile. i tried so hard to be good to him . but these amazing memories keep on playing in my head over and over again. Why? i am doing fine with out him, yet i miss him , him his self. Does he like me? i don't even know where in this realtion ship we are but i don't feel like i can call him or any thing i feel hopeless i am trying so hard to do every thing i can for my self yet i really really want him!!! do i love him deeply or am i using him cuz i feel safe with him?

you need to ask yourself do you want to stay in this seesaw relationship with its heartaches etc or move on with memories.

it is not uncommon to miss the things you say you do and often we stay in or go back to a relationship because we do feel safe and secure in it - as the saying goes, better the devil (or person) you know than the one you don't.

please try and continue to move on and keep the memories with you.

there should be no reason why you can't be friends and able to contact him if you get in a bit of a hole again but not in a gf/bf relationship again.

good luck