Why am I so bad at talking to people?

I am a Sophomore in highschool. Throughout my life, I have been a really quiet person. My closest friends, whenever I see them with their other friends, or when we are hanging out as a group, they are always having these interesting and live-full conversations. But I can't seem to do the same thing. Whenever I try, it always ends up being dull and uninteresting.

My preferred way to counter this is to act like a complete clown/idiot. It is not the best way, but the only way that I could think of, which is frustrating.

Because of above, I could never grasp the interest and attention of a girl that I like, thus results in myself never having a girlfriend, or even an elementary Valentine. Like I would have absolutely nothing to talk about with them, and with girls that I do happen to meet, I get friendzoned by them.

I have been told that I need to be more assertive, but it is very hard for me to be if I can't even talk to the person.

How do normal people talk? I never quite understood this. Even now, I don't think that I am expressing myself fully.

I don't know how to communicate with people. What can I do?

I am also a person like you. I am bad in talking to people.

Hey Dave,

I can totally relate to this feeling. When I was in highschool especially, I struggled with interactions with people. Whenever we started talking, my brain just froze up.

One thing I have found helpful is to write down some discussion topics before I know I'm going to be hanging out with people. Memorize two or three talking points. Even if those topics do not come up in conversation that day, at least they will be simmering on the back burner for future use.

Also, do you like to read? If so, try processing aloud what you've read when you're alone. Everyone loves to hear about a good book, even if they don't like reading! :) When you're by yourself, talk aloud about the importance of the topic you've been reading, or the relevance of the story. Reparaphrase to yourself what you just read.

However, if these methods fail, another great tool I've found is giving great eye contact, listening intently, and asking great questions. This puts most of the talking on other people, and sends the message that you are interested in what they have to say. These tools make you seem like an awesome conversationalist, because most people are very excited to talk about themselves and have someone listen to them!

Keep pressing on, dude. I know it's hard. Believe me though, it gets easier as you get older. I believe that's due to a chemical change in the brain.