Flitter

I can not decide
I would want to
if I could, I am sure
but I can't

You see I am not really here
no, I don't mean in some
esoteric vague quantum mechanical
illusion as matter
nothing deep like that

What I mean is...
I am not available
even if I was here, which I am not
I can't explain it right now
sure the lights are on, though dimly lit
but nobody hears the doorbell
and especially nobody will pay attention
if you continuously pound on the door
just to make sure
that kind of not here is what I meant

so I flitter
between it but near it
you would call it procrastination I suppose
but you would be entirely
if not completely
wrong
because that would imply something deliberate
and this is not like that
it's more like
not knowing how to phrase the question
never mind finding an answer
and the correct answer
ha,
forget it
flitter,
not to be confused with
filter
and not to be understood as...
anything