Vicodan flushed down the toilet

01-15-2011, 07:49 PM

The day we arrive at our vacation condo, I open the medicine cabinet and cannot believe my eyes -- before me is a full bottle of Vicodan. I open it and instantly recognized the oval white pills. A mixture of extreme satisfaction, anticipation, and fear enters my body. I want them. I fear them. I desire them. I hate them.

It has been over a year since I took the white little pill in what began as a genuine need for medication and turned into a desire to alter my emotional state.

What are the chances that someone would leave a bottle of Vicodan in the medicine cabinet? What is this here to teach me?

My husband is out shopping for groceries so I go into the living room and tell my mom what I found. I tell her I'm not sure what to do with it.

I go back into my room and shake the full bottle of pills. There are at least 30 in there and even though the expiration date is 2008 - I know they are still "good." There is one refill left on the prescription which expired long ago. I think about how it must feel to not want to refill a prescription for Vicodan. How free the person who can take it or leave it and decides to leave it, must feel.

I am not that person.

I quickly swallow one and put another two in my purse. I open the toilet lid and shake the bottle. The white pills sit in the bowl. I FLUSH.

NOOOOOOO!!! I want to stop the bowl from swallowing up my pills. I pull one out and then throw it in again. What am I doing? I quickly bite off half of one of the two I've left behind.

Within thirty minutes, I feel that familiar buzz. The relaxation of a drug-induced high. It's not as good as I'd like it to be because I'm nervous about telling my husband. I tell him everything so I know hiding this is not an option.

I bring up the topic by asking him if he found pot here, would he smoke it? He says he isn't sure. "Why?" he asks. "What did you find?" I pause then blurt out, "Vicodan," and quickly follow with, "I took one and a half already and kept a few. I flushed the rest down the toilet."

His response is unexpected. "Why be so rash?" he asks. "I could have held onto them for you then put them back after the trip," he says.

Damn! Why did I throw them out? I could have taken them with him. Even though he is one of those people who can take it or leave it, he is mainly against me taking drugs... except when he is in the mood for some. "Can I have one?" he asks, and without hesitation, I grab my purse and give him one. "I may have less than half of one left in my purse," I tell him. "You have half of one, just say it, don't skirt around the truth." I nod and repeat that I have half of one left.

"I am proud of you, " he tells me, immediately sensing my discomfort with his compliment. He holRAB my face. "Take it in. I am proud of you." "Why?" I ask.

"You told me about the pills immediately, not three days later after you had been taking one. You gave me the pill without hesitation."

It has been three days since I took the pill and a half and the craving is back, big time! My mind is telling me all sorts of insane things -- glorifying the feeling I had when I was on the pills. I need support in knowing I did the right thing by throwing out the pills. My mind is telling me I should have kept them; that I would have been sick of them by the time we left and it would be over. I keep replying the moment I opened the cabinet and saw them in there. I did a double take because I could not believe my eyes.

Any advice from those who have gone through something similar would be greatly appreciated!

**AnnD** · 01-16-2011, 07:57 AM

Just one day at a time.

01-16-2011, 06:37 PM

Wow! That is good self-control, even if you did take 1-1/2. You should be proud of yourself for what you were able to accomplish. It would have been so easy for you to shove the bottle in your purse and not said a thing, but you didn't. That's a big step. Fight the cravings with good feeling of being sober and how good life is. Think about how good it felt when you were finally drug free. If you ever had withdrawals - remeraber them and tell yourself it is something you never want to go through again. You did the right thing. The cravings will pass. All you can do is work one day at a time and be proud every night when you go to bed drug free. Thanks for sharing your story!