Why isn't my boyfriend interested in career advancement?

[Madge Pie]

I'm in graduate school earning my masters while working full time, which he likes and seems proud of.. my 29 year old bf, on the other hand, seems to lack ambition. We've only been seeing each other for 2 months, too soon for me to bring this up, but here's what I know about him--

He comes from a good family. His parents just celebrated their 30 year wedding anniversary. They live in an upper-middle class suburb of New York. His older brother, who he looks up to, makes 6 figures at a very good company in Manhattan. His sister-in-law (big bro's wife,) is a brain surgeon.

He went to a private, Jesuit high shcool in Manhattan, the kind you have to apply to (whereas I just went to a regular public school in Pennsylvania.)

He went to a decent, 4 year Jesuit university and graduated.

I don't know what he did between the ages of 22 and 25, but he started at his present company in an entry-level position at the age of 25 (4 years ago.) He was basically like an operator, he worked in the info center of a corporate Manhattan office. He was promoted last year, but still does not hold a very prestigious title. He is an assistant to one of the Directors, and holds some other responsibilities.

He, at one time, had been interested in Communications and a career on the radio, but when he told me that, I don't know if that was something he actively pursued and did not succeed securing a position, or if that was more like a childhood interest.

Both of his parents are professionals. He comes from a strong, good family who value education and career. Why does he seem like he's just floating through life?

He just moved out of his parent's house last month. This was a goal of his. I told him it might make more sense, as they clearly don't mind this arrangement, for him to just live there another 2 years, save thousands a year in rent, and hope to buy a house. Bc, everyone knows, renting is just flushing money down the toilet, you have nothing to show for it...so if you can at all help it, save that $$ for ownership of a house or condo! He said to me, "yeah but I don't know if I'd be able to afford a house even at that point, so...."
ummmmmmmmmmm so..what? so he's just going to throw $600/month away needlessly, and resign himself to NEVER owning a home unless maybe he marries a woman who can afford one? He's not even like one of those GQ model looking guys who gets a lot of chicks and should bank on finding one who will carry him... he has no self esteem like that so please don't suggest that's it. What is he THINKING?? He's not sure if he ever wants to have kids...so maybe he's just a floater?
Important to mention: He's always on time for work everyday, never late, doesn't take too much time off...so in that way, he's a good employee, but he doesn't really go the extra mile as far as his duties are concerned.

[Rhycel]

If his lack of ambition is an issue to you at an early stage of your relationship with him then it would be best if you leave him, you'll just end up frustrated and disappointed. Eventually, you will just magnify everything that he do in life as well as his decision. Normally, 2 months is the stage where everything seems to be perfect where each others flaws seems to go unnoticed, but the very fact that you raised this up it only means that it is indeed an issue for you. Do not have that Wendy's syndrome, the best thing for you to do is to either love him unconditionally or walk away but either way do pray for him so he will be blessed. Be fair, if you know you can't stand it leave as early as you can, don't think that you can change the situation because you can't.

[KatZee]

Sounds like he's a responsible person, but just doesn't have the drive. Some people are perfectly content just "being" and living and don't think too far into the future. Sounds like he makes enough money to support himself as is, and he's fine with that. The way he says "I'm not sure if I ever want to have kids" kind of shows that he's really not all about being a provider, he'd rather just as you say "float" around and exist.

Just because the rest of his family are super successful and driven, doesn't mean he has to be, or that he should be. Everyone is different.

You sound motivated and driven. Obviously you're seeing him for what he is. You should take this at face value. It will be unfair of you to continue on in this relationship, and months, or a year down the line, suddenly bring up this problem you have with him. If you aren't liking what you're seeing, have a conversation with him, hear his side and then either stay, or move on. It's not right to try and change him down the line, and if he has no desire to be a family person, or have kids... and you DO... this isn't the right relationship for you.

[KatZee]

Sounds like he's a responsible person, but just doesn't have the drive. Some people are perfectly content just "being" and living and don't think too far into the future. Sounds like he makes enough money to support himself as is, and he's fine with that. The way he says "I'm not sure if I ever want to have kids" kind of shows that he's really not all about being a provider, he'd rather just as you say "float" around and exist.

Just because the rest of his family are super successful and driven, doesn't mean he has to be, or that he should be. Everyone is different.

You sound motivated and driven. Obviously you're seeing him for what he is. You should take this at face value. It will be unfair of you to continue on in this relationship, and months, or a year down the line, suddenly bring up this problem you have with him. If you aren't liking what you're seeing, have a conversation with him, hear his side and then either stay, or move on. It's not right to try and change him down the line, and if he has no desire to be a family person, or have kids... and you DO... this isn't the right relationship for you.

[KatZee]

Sounds like he's a responsible person, but just doesn't have the drive. Some people are perfectly content just "being" and living and don't think too far into the future. Sounds like he makes enough money to support himself as is, and he's fine with that. The way he says "I'm not sure if I ever want to have kids" kind of shows that he's really not all about being a provider, he'd rather just as you say "float" around and exist.

Just because the rest of his family are super successful and driven, doesn't mean he has to be, or that he should be. Everyone is different.

You sound motivated and driven. Obviously you're seeing him for what he is. You should take this at face value. It will be unfair of you to continue on in this relationship, and months, or a year down the line, suddenly bring up this problem you have with him. If you aren't liking what you're seeing, have a conversation with him, hear his side and then either stay, or move on. It's not right to try and change him down the line, and if he has no desire to be a family person, or have kids... and you DO... this isn't the right relationship for you.

[KatZee]

Sounds like he's a responsible person, but just doesn't have the drive. Some people are perfectly content just "being" and living and don't think too far into the future. Sounds like he makes enough money to support himself as is, and he's fine with that. The way he says "I'm not sure if I ever want to have kids" kind of shows that he's really not all about being a provider, he'd rather just as you say "float" around and exist.

Just because the rest of his family are super successful and driven, doesn't mean he has to be, or that he should be. Everyone is different.

You sound motivated and driven. Obviously you're seeing him for what he is. You should take this at face value. It will be unfair of you to continue on in this relationship, and months, or a year down the line, suddenly bring up this problem you have with him. If you aren't liking what you're seeing, have a conversation with him, hear his side and then either stay, or move on. It's not right to try and change him down the line, and if he has no desire to be a family person, or have kids... and you DO... this isn't the right relationship for you.

[KatZee]

Sounds like he's a responsible person, but just doesn't have the drive. Some people are perfectly content just "being" and living and don't think too far into the future. Sounds like he makes enough money to support himself as is, and he's fine with that. The way he says "I'm not sure if I ever want to have kids" kind of shows that he's really not all about being a provider, he'd rather just as you say "float" around and exist.

Just because the rest of his family are super successful and driven, doesn't mean he has to be, or that he should be. Everyone is different.

You sound motivated and driven. Obviously you're seeing him for what he is. You should take this at face value. It will be unfair of you to continue on in this relationship, and months, or a year down the line, suddenly bring up this problem you have with him. If you aren't liking what you're seeing, have a conversation with him, hear his side and then either stay, or move on. It's not right to try and change him down the line, and if he has no desire to be a family person, or have kids... and you DO... this isn't the right relationship for you.

[Rhycel]

If his lack of ambition is an issue to you at an early stage of your relationship with him then it would be best if you leave him, you'll just end up frustrated and disappointed. Eventually, you will just magnify everything that he do in life as well as his decision. Normally, 2 months is the stage where everything seems to be perfect where each others flaws seems to go unnoticed, but the very fact that you raised this up it only means that it is indeed an issue for you. Do not have that Wendy's syndrome, the best thing for you to do is to either love him unconditionally or walk away but either way do pray for him so he will be blessed. Be fair, if you know you can't stand it leave as early as you can, don't think that you can change the situation because you can't.