The Shitbird

**Scylla** · 07-10-2010, 02:44 AM

The necessity of looking up every few minutes to check for the Shitbird made it difficult to read. It kept intruding into my thoughts. What did the Shitbird want? What was it about my truck, that so attracted the Shitbird? The color?

These questions were a defense mechanism, a compensation. In my secret heart I feared, that I knew the truth. My truck had nothing to do with it. The Shitbird had come for me. One can hide from these things, but in one form or another we all have it coming, and the Shitbird is waiting. As I kind of, sort of, read my book I gradually admitted this truth to myself. What I couldn't figure out though was why. I couldn't recall pissing of any gypsies recently. Perhaps it was the spirit of a dead enemy? Sadly, as far as I knew, all my enemies (such as Frank) were still alive (which I guess doesn't say much about my skills as a nemesis.) I couldn't think of any wrongs that I'd committed which could be symbolically righted by the curse of the Shitbird.

Maybe it was just one of those things. In The Raven, the narrator hadn't done anything wrong except pine for his girlfriend. In the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, all the sailor does is kill a seagull, and then everybody on the ship practically dies of thirst except the narrator who is then cursed for eternity to walk around confessing his bird murder to wedding guests.....

Hmmmm. Considering the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, was what I was planning a good idea? Anyway, what were the chances the bird would show up while I was actually waiting for it with a pellet gun in my hands?

And then of course the Shitbird showed up. It took residence on the truck mirror. I lifted up the pellet gun which was equipped with a cheap scope and sighted on the nasty thing.

By now, the astute among you will realize that there's a problem here that I failed to foresee. Had I thought things, through I'd have realized the problem and the potential consequences. It should have been obvious. In hindsight, it was.

I had the Shitbird in my sights, and, when the Shitbird is in your sights, what do you do?

You pull the trigger.

So I pulled the trigger.

(Part 3, the finale, coming up.)

07-10-2010, 06:33 AM

Perhaps an R/C blimp could catch the shitbird.

**MissRed** · 07-10-2010, 08:46 AM

Hmmm...I think there may be a bluegrass song in this story somewhere...

(Composing while waiting for the ending)

07-10-2010, 10:59 AM

Awww... "Poe" you...

07-10-2010, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by Scylla

On the bright side, I haven't seen the Shitbird since.

Here's the thing, though. If I do, I am going to kill the Motherfucker.

ROFLMAO.

I was once at the Grand Canyon and I bought a couple of sandwiches (chips and soda included) at a lunch stand. So my wife and I sit by the edge of the canyon and are about to eat our lunch when this HUGE squirrel comes along and literally dances on its hind legs in front of us. So I throw it a potato chip. It nibbles on the chip and starts dancing again so I put down my sandwich and start tossing potato chips at this dancing squirrel. Suddenly the squirrel turns around and runs away. I think "oh well, that was interesting" and reach for my sandwich only to see ANOTHER freakishly large squirrel running down the canyon with my frikkiing sandwich!!! I look at my wife, she is laughing her ass off and starts tossing potato chips at me telling me to dance.

Well, at least it took two of them to outsmart me.

07-10-2010, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by Scylla

In the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner

[del]Rime. Rime, Rime, Rime, Rime, Rime.[/del]

Nevermind, Jadis beat me to it.

07-10-2010, 07:53 PM

How much will the new mirror be costing you?

07-10-2010, 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by Damuri Ajashi

ROFLMAO.

I was once at the Grand Canyon and I bought a couple of sandwiches (chips and soda included) at a lunch stand. So my wife and I sit by the edge of the canyon and are about to eat our lunch when this HUGE squirrel comes along and literally dances on its hind legs in front of us. So I throw it a potato chip. It nibbles on the chip and starts dancing again so I put down my sandwich and start tossing potato chips at this dancing squirrel. Suddenly the squirrel turns around and runs away. I think "oh well, that was interesting" and reach for my sandwich only to see ANOTHER freakishly large squirrel running down the canyon with my frikkiing sandwich!!! I look at my wife, she is laughing her ass off and starts tossing potato chips at me telling me to dance.

Well, at least it took two of them to outsmart me.

Now THAT'S a great story!

07-10-2010, 11:16 PM

At least the bird doesn't hate you enough to commit suicide. I've got kamikaze birds. I'll be sitting down watching TV... and *BOOOM!!* a bird flies into the window. I've had to throw 7 of them in the trash in the last month, and that's not counting the ones the neighbor's cat manages to drag off and dispose of before I find them.