Joke thread part quatre!

[LJKBF98]

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own worRAB, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard

[haytheredollface(:]

Why does it have to be a pirate?

[Wanttoknow]

Those Korean meatballs are really the dog's ballocks
.

[Nickia]

The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens

he kept in the hen house behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he
went to feed the birRAB and discovered
that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in
the village, so he questioned
his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation,

'Has anybody got a cock? '

All the men stood up.

'No, no, ' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock? '

All the women stood up.

'No, no, ' he said, ' that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock that
doesn't belong to them? '

Half the women stood up.

'No, no, ' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen MY cock? '
Sixteen altar boys, two priests
and a goat stood up.

The priest fainted.

[skinydudesk8te]

Q. What do electric train sets and women's breasts have in common?


A. They're both intended for children, but it's the fathers who play with them.






.

[derock1982]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She said
the duck was her pet and was called Cuddles.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope
and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm
sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any
testing on him or anything. Cuddles might just be in a coma or
something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a
few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner
looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front
paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few
minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and left the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is
most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried,
"£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the
bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's
now £150."

[# 2 in december]

Dave was in a pub bragging to his mate about how he's having sex with twins.
"How can you tell them apart" his mate asked.
Dave replied, "Well Sally has big tits and Derek has a tash."

[malt_soda]

some un-politically correct jokes

have you heard about the latest bra for middle aged women?
its called Sheep Dog. it rounRAB them up and points them in the right direction!

whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
a woman doesnt ring you up constantly after you have left a load in it!

maureen was most surprised to find out she was pregnant
"when did you last have a check up?" asked the doctor
"Never" insisted Maureen "an Italian, A frenchman, an american, but NEVER a Czech!"

[Brace Face Kylie]

You probably won't hear from me for sometime, I'm wanted for stealing swimming pool inflatables.

I've got to lilo for awhile.

[umaga100and7]

Q. What does a maths graduate say to a social studies graduate?

A. Burger and chips please.