Well the other day my pathetic excuse of a son thought it would be ok to bring his gay boyfriend over to our house (he hadn't told me he was gay before so you can imagine the disgusted surprise that I got). So I come in the door of my own house and there is my measly little son with this dyed hair skinny jean wearing poofter sitting on the couch and he said some **** like "Dad I'd like you to meet Quintin he is my partner" and I was naturally like "what is this gay s hit" and then I gave the homo the bums rush and my son started attacking me. Now my son has always been a little pansy (came from the womens side of the family) so I wasn't hurt but I gave him a bloody massive slog across the face and well basically he is in a coma right now. And now my stupid wife won't even talk to me or make my dinner. Firstly its her fault that he turned queer because she bought him a pink teddy bear when he was a baby. Secondly, I earn the ******* money around here and she has no right to not cook for me. Anyway as I see it I was helping my son because some lads down at the pub say they heard from a doctor that sometimes physical trauma can cure homosexuality. I mean my wife is gonna look pretty stupid if my son wakes up straight isn't she.

Anyway I need a quick solution on how to get the idiot to talk to me again and stop her stupid overreaction
I would expect my son to do the same for me