all my life ive been stepped on and pushed on, ive been kind of like the quiet guy afraid of confrontation. I been abused by more older brother in homoerotic ways , physically, and mentally when i was young 8-10 years old. I dont feel like a real man, nor do i have the drive nor confidence to talk to women, but i still feel i may be attracted to them. Im a mamas boy and am sensitive , which is a womenly thing, and i hate hanging out with a bunch of dudes cuz i used to get bullied. The combination of my past and my personality makes me feel womenly and possibly gay, but im scared of this idea and feel uneasy about the thought because maybe im not gay or just scared of being gay. I test myself to see im gay and think about me with a guy , but i get a knot in my stomach and feel angry too, but then i think about it again, and again. One day i finally told myself aight im gay! I told my parents i might be gay and stuff, but i still doesnt feel true. Maybe im bi? i dunno, but im struggling with the thoughts and they wont give me peace. Now I work out alot and am very strong physically , i can bench 350, but on the inside im still a scared confused little boy, which sounds like a gay indicator too. The idea of me being gay angers me yet obsesses me.