I don't understand these two jokes, please explain?

[x_kara]

Hey, I'm not stupid..I just don't get why it's so funny -_-

George, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."*He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.* "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"


A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice day sir!" came the reply.

[Buddy]

somebody already asked this a couple of minutes ago.....
was it you?

this joke is funny, but your makin it stale unfortunately!

[BringTheCharm]

the first one, the man was just seeing if the department was telling the truth so he can get them over.
the second one the guy doesnt like his wife so he was "running away" so he doesn't give her back

[Hannah]

HOW DO U NOT UNDERSTAND THESE! THEYR SO FUNNY!!