past and expects you to confess? My Mom basically legally kidnapped my kids when they were only 2 and 3 years old. She and my younger sister called the CPS. I was in a volatile marriage and we were on drugs and it was sad for my kids (and I feel very badly for that) but it was a long time ago. Also my Mom and sister seemed to want to keep my kids more than they wanted to help me get my life together. They played a big part in making things more and more difficult for me to succeed in reunifying with them. I decided at the time to let my Mom have them temporarily so I could see them. Their father and I were given a reunification plan to get them back but my Mom manipulated me into signing them over to her at the last second when the plan was ending, stating I'd lose them permanently if their father ended up with them.
Many years have gone by, I'm medicated and stable, graduated from several treatment centers, I even quit smoking years ago, and I’ve been off probation for nearly a year. My kids are now 16 and 17 years old.
A year ago, my son ran away to my house after being beaten up by my sister's boyfriend. I defended him and threatened to call the police (by which they talked me out of doing so) and ever since, my Mom has given me the silence treatment for 5 months now. It feels like it’s killing me to be without my children and so I've been bugging them and begging to stop the silence and let me see them. The deal that's been set forth for me currently is that I have to confess to all kinds of things that my Mom and sister have drummed up over my entire adult (and even some things from childhood)... in order to be a part of my family's lives. Even at that they say that nobody wants to see me anyway. I'm in my 40's.
On one hand, it’s very hard for me to confess to things that happened very differently in my mind than my Mom's and for things that happened such a long time ago; one of the incidents happened over 20 years ago! But my Mom keeps bringing up these random issues from the past and manifesting them in her mind (the way she remembers them) and my kids basically are asking me to confess exactly the way she and my sister remember these things in order for me to be a part of my their lives again. I feel ambivalent. I love and miss my kids with all my heart and soul and I feel badly for ever hurting anyone in my family but I never thought that it would ever get this bad - that my Mom would actually gain such complete control over me and my kids that I would be begging and having to commit to anything she says about me just to see them..
I love my kids with all my heart and soul and have always tried to stay close and be a part of their lives over the years (which has been very difficult through the control of my Mom and sister). But I feel so horrible without my kids and I feel confused and desperate at the same time.
I've thought about going back to court to have them modify the visitaton plan but after 14 years - and my kids are practically adults now , so conditioned against me and under such tight control of my Mom (they’re also homeschooled and don't have any real friends or outside outlets) that at this point seems pointless to go about it that way.
I want the pain to stop that I feel without them and yet it's so bizarre to have to talk about issues that should be long gone by now and have to confess to exactly the way my Mom and sister remember them to be. What are your thoughts?