Hi. I am 24. I am an Israeli. I am a university student, I am gay, probably. I have never been in a relationship. I have never dated before. I am insecure, and have a low self-esteem.

I started masturbating when I was 11. Starting with straight pron, but moved on to gay porn and stuck with it. I was always afraid I would turn out gay, was ashamed of it and preyed I wouldn't be like that. I always had my doubts. I was very insecure about my sexual orientation, and still am. When my friends started talking about sex and their girlfriends, I felt uneasy.

I served in the army for 3 years from when I was 18 to 21. I shared a room with 7 other guys, and we had shared showers. I never thought of my friends sexually, and I never had a b0ner when showering with other guys. I tried asking out a girl who served with me, but she said she couldn't, and it took me 6 months to get the clue. I don't know if I was attracted to her, but she is one of the most interesting girls I know, and she is one of my close friends from the army. I felt uncomfortable when the guys had their guy's talk at night speaking of girls, and comparing their body parts, who was sexy, who wasn't , and who they would sleep with. It felt like they viewed them as chunks of meat in a butcher shop, which I think is demeaning and inappropriate.

I moved to Canada after my service, about 2 years ago, to study in university. My friends drugged me out to a strip club, and they even bought me a lap dance once. I wasn't aroused at all, and was ashamed, but played along with the show, telling them I enjoyed every minute of it, though I felt like I didn't know where to bury myself.

So I started seeing a psychiatrist here on campus, after I felt I carried this sexual insecurity for too long. He said that if 99% of the porn I see is gay porn I am probably gay, 99% sure.
I then told my parents after they sent me among the usual junk mail a speech of a gay husband from his marriage in Israel, about tolerance, and his relationship with his father, that I found very touching and inspiring, so I shared it on facebook, 20 minutes later my mom asked me why did I do that, as it will attract unwanted attention to me. I told her to call my father, and sat them both in front of the computer cam, and told them the story. They said they love and accept me just the way I am, but asked if I was sure of it, and I told them 90%.
I felt good for telling them, but it raised more questions than answers that added to my insecurity.

I was talking with a close friend of mine here on campus last week, coming back from a party. Over the past few times I met him, he told me about how he is interested in a girl we both know from a student club we all go to on campus. We talked about it last week too, and I said I have no experience in relationships but suggested he goes with the flow, and try to ask her out when he feels he's ready. He then said that he opened up to me, but knows very little about me. So I told him, I think I was gay, and he was fine with it. I feel I want to tell every one, as being out is better than being in. but I need to be sure of my sexuality.

Now my psychiatrist suggested I start dating and meeting people and get a feel of it. So I did.
I met this guy, 28, online 2 weeks ago and we went out on 3 dates.
Now I didn't feel any attraction or chemistry to him but gave it a chance as he was the first date I ever had. Our last date he invited me to his house, there was this awkward silence, and then he told me that usually after a 2nd date, when they came to his house, they would make out. And that this chatting and chilling out is new to him. I told him I don;t think we are there yet.
Now we just ended it being friends, and I guess it was mutual, he told me he also thought there was no chemistry maybe for other reasons though, he said we have different goals, me just at the beginning of my gay life, and that he doesn't think that I am ready for a relationship yet.
Now back to the original point and reason for this question. Ever since I began thinking about it more seriously starting early September 2010, just before I went to see my psychiatrist, I became more occupied with it, maybe even too occupied. I keep always thinking about it, I masturbate much much more as compared to before. I used to masturbate once a day, at night in bed. Now it is always on my mind whenever I have free time. I wasted whole weekends masturbating to gay porn and thinking about my awkward situation.
Now I am already a procrastinator, so it doesn't help at all but just adds more complications. When I should be doing school work, even when I have the time I delay it and masturbate. Is that normal? What does it mean if anything? Does it mean I am ready for a relationship, waiting for it for so long?
What can I do to suppress it and do more of my needed school work Is there some solution? what can or should I do?
Please help.