Great "Simpsons" Quotes

[cute girl]

So a recent Simpson's thread got me thinking about some of the funniest, randomest, whackiest lines that have been uttered on the Simpsons over the years. It's one of my favorite shows, and I thought it would be fun. I'll get the ball rolling.

Marge: Don't come any closer! I've got *jimmies! *throws them*
Ice Cream Guy: *gets them in his eye* Ah! I can only see a horrible rainbow!

*Jimmies are sprinkles, for those of you who don't know.

[Macaveli]

Possibly my favorite comes from the fourth season episode "The Front":
Lisa: "Grandpa, how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?"
Grandpa: "I don't know!"

(BTW, I think this is one of the few times the word "underwear" has been used in favor of "underpants", since Matt Groening considers "underpants" funnier.)

Another on I recently was thinking about is this one from "Cape Feare":
Chief Wiggum: "Sideshow Bob has no decency! He called me 'Chief Piggum!'"
(Laughter)
Chief Wiggum: "Oh wait, I get it, he's all right."

[Smiley Riley:)]

From Das Bus:

Nelson: "Society blows!"

So true.

[ricardo9505]

Officer: "Okay, one last question Mr. Simpson. This place 'Moe's' you were at prior to the accident, what kind of institution is it?"
*Homer's brain* Don't tell him you were at a bar. Oh, but what else is open at night?"
Homer out loud: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
*Homer's brain* Swish.

[Airmiles]

Here's a long string of great moments:

Skinner: [ominous] Destroy that balloon.
Willy: Aye. [***** a shotgun, shoots into the sky]
[two fighter planes fly overhead]
Pilot 1: Tango 14, we're being fired at. I'm getting an exact ID on the
bogey now.
[screen shows a silhouette of Willy and "Identify"]
[screen flashes "Iraqi fighter jet"]
Pilot 1: Iraqis again. Launching sidewinder missile.
[missile destroys the other plane]
Missed him. Launching second sidewinder missile.
[missile destroys his own plane]
Pilot 1: [parachuting] This is what happens when you cut money out of
the military and put it into health care!
Pilot 2: [parachuting] It's a good program! Just give it a chance,
that's all I ask.
[their parachutes fail; they crash to the ground]
[they start fist fighting]



Also, any time they bring up Skinner's Vietnam past is always hilarious.

My favorites include:

Skinner: *Straightens tie* Copyright expired.


Skinner: Johnny!... JOHNNY!
Bart: Cool, I broke his brain.


I also miss when they used to flirt with the idea of him being crazy. The Psycho moment with the sailor suit was great, and my personal favorite:

Bart: Who names these things [the constellations] anyway?
Skinner: Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find
something that would be named after me.
Bart: And you've never found anything?
Skinner: Once...but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had
already been reported by Principal Kahoutek...[a cloud covers
the moon; scary music plays]
I got back at him, though...him and that little _boy_ of his.
[the music enRAB]
Anyway, that's why I always keep a cellular phone next to me.

It's just nice to see cracks in someone who's so straitlaced. Shame they don't do that anymore.

[Shanequa]

Ketchup...

CAT'S-up.

Ketchup...

CATS-up.

Ketchup...

Ohhh.....

[helpme15]

My favorite "Skinner remerabers Vietnam" line is from Team Homer:

"The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Charlie" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinRAB of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!"

[Ellie Marieee :)]

*Knock at door*
Homer: "Who is it?"
Guys outside: "Goons."
Homer: "Who?"
Guys outside: "Hired goons."
Homer: "Hired goons?"
*answers the door, goons grab him*

[siqqq6]

From "Duffless."

Wiggum: "Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA."
Marge: "Oh my god. He's dead?"
Wiggum: "Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up."
*Hangs up and a woman walks in*
Woman: "My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband is DWI?"
Wiggum: "Uh... why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch."

[loving_girl9009]

Ralph Wiggum: I like men now.