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01-14-2011, 09:39 PM

Hiya Mike..:wave:...have been catching up on your posts and want you to know that I understand all the questions and concerns you have going on right now. Its crazy , isnt it , that we ask the questions , know the correct response but still want to bury our heaRAB in a comforting fog rather than deal with the issue. I agree with secrets (good ole girl!) and think that the depression is something that should be addressed as its seems to be a trigger for your addictions. Rehab could be a good move though I get your concerns and know that youve been there before. If you chose that option then maybe you should try and attack it all from a different angle. I wish that Id done rehab years ago , but feel I cant go that route now cause of my 2 small boys. I couldnt bear to leave them , and would have to admit to my family that Im not really clean (they think its all in the past....to them Ive been clean 6 yrs now. If bloody only).
Back to you...........have you ever been to just an eating disorders clinic? Or is it possible to find somewhere that would deal with both?
How have you done today? Please let me know as its good for me too to know that you understand my struggles. Today have been up and down BUT no street drugs for 2 days. It was very up and down today and the poor people round me couldnt do or say anything to me at times. I am really worried bout tomorrow as its payday and I cant every remeraber a payday where I havent got high. I really am desperately trying to think of ways to talk myself out of it in the morning but sometimes I just feel lost.
Sorry mike , enough of me , post soon and keep struggling. I mean , keep going.

01-14-2011, 10:21 PM

Morning Mike. How did it go for you last night? Ready to try day no 2 with me? Really hope you are OK today and realising that there are lots of peeps on here that will give you great advice and be here when you need them. Im real nervous myself bout today and trying to think of ways to keep busy/occuppied. Gotta go for now....keep me posted.

01-14-2011, 10:57 PM

Mate ,Im with you. He didnt respond to me at all yesterday and Ive been looking out for him ALL DAY. Its so frustrating not knowing whats going on......crazy because I really care for all you lot,even though I dont really know you. Mind you, I guess you lot know me better than some of my nearest and dearest because Im honest on here.
Mike,please let us know whats going on. I dont care if u dont wanna talk to me I just would sleep better if I know ur being supported.
CC

**Mike S** · 01-15-2011, 12:19 AM

CC, Please forgive my selfishness. I always want to talk to you. Having a rough day but hanging in there. I sure hope you're ok. Please stay in touch. I've been thinking of you & everyone else today. You help me not feel so alone. Please be strong CC. We're all in this together. I'll be here for you.
Love, Mike

01-15-2011, 01:09 AM

Hiya Guys. Gosh, Ive missed talking to you lot. Mike , Im so bleedin proud of you darlin! I know things feel kinda hard , and the bulimia is a real struggle , but one thing at a time. No alcohol!! Yeah - hey mate....thats FANTASTIC!! Have you managed to get out and about a bit? Sometimes its good to go out and see people having a 'normal' life. ReminRAB me that it is possible and dont half look bad.I know from my own experience with depression that people are affected in their own way , but even if you can get out for some fresh air it can be uplifting. Im lucky,I guess,cause though I live on the outskirts of London it really is still considered the countryside. So,some beautiful walks about. With your bulimia,do you binge on certain fooRAB? Im just wondering if there is anything that your tummy can tolerate to keep down. It would give you a bit if physical strength and we have to also consider the physical side of things if we want our minRAB to be healthy. The stuff you refer to that your mind wanders to when you're 'still' , is it stuff that you can work thru with your counsellor? It sounded like you had a pretty good relationship with her so maybe its stuff you should be confronting?? Anyways , dont feel too lonely cause theres lots of great peeps on here rooting for you and willing to spend much time helping u thru all this (including me).
Secrets , how ya doin mate? I hope the cravings have eased off a bit for you and u r still rollin along. I have had you in my mind for ages and have been rooting for you too.
Me?? Well.........if Im honest -which I guess I bloody well should be- things are a disaster zone for me. You know, I logged on yesterday and sobbed me bleedin heart out reading everyones posts. Not because I feel you doin so badly but because I really care about everyone Ive had contact with on this site. I know we havent met,exchanged real names etc but these are the most honest conversations Ive had with any one in YEARS. Since meeting you all (and Im talking to everyone) I have had the most profound insight into my life. Its like an evergrowing ephinany. Im struggling so much to stay clean and its forcing me to ask myself some very uncomfortable questions. The answers are not always very comforting either.
So,I couldnt face posting yesterday as I was a proper mess. Today has been so-so. Glad none of yous can see me - not a pretty sight!!
Anyways , hope to speak to some of ya tonight,
with love...........CC

01-15-2011, 01:18 AM

Hey Mike,

I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I mean it only out of love and concern.... Have you though about checking your self into a rehab facility? It might be just what you need. You would not be alone, you would have constant support and also would be able to start facing these issues with booze and bulimia. Professionals who really know what can help you and what cant. I mean we love to be supportive here but I think that maybe you need a little bit more help than some kind worRAB here or there.

I really worry about you. I don't want you to die. Your life is worth more than I think you could begin to imagine right now. It's time to save yourself!!! I am so proud you are on day 10!!! That is great! These were all just suggestions and I hope you understand how I meant them... I am worried about you! Keep posting.

01-15-2011, 01:37 AM

Hey Mike,

I am glad to hear you sounding better!!!! That makes me so happy!!!

I know how hard this all is!!! However, I feel we are all blessed to be able to walk this road together and not alone. There are people out there who are all alone and those are the true sufferers...

Lyn.. I had to laugh and was very honored when you called me the "resident Mom" That was great!! I really do love each and every one of you though! I know I am younger than most and that may be weird for some but thank you for not excluding me because of it!!!

Mike, keep us posted so we know how you are doing!
XOXOXO

01-15-2011, 03:43 AM

Mike and Lugar

Take care of yourselves. I am also here for both of you and will listen anytime. I am on day 36 off of suboxone and am doing well. It was not easy but you "will" get through it and be stronger because of it, especially when you get your life back.

Lyn :angel:

**Mike S** · 01-15-2011, 04:18 AM

Hi Lugar, thanks for responding. Please don't apologise. I love hearing from you. I want you to be strong just like I'm trying. This is so tough for both of us. To a " normy " it seems so simple. They think well just don't use the substance. Don't we wish it was that simple. If you find you can't stay straight for yourself then do it for your children. I know this is easier said than done. I feel you & I deserve some happiness & we'll never have it indulging in our addictions. I've never met you of course but you sound like a good person that deserves some piece & serenity. We can do this together Lugar ! Lets keep posting & please take care, Mike

**Mike S** · 01-15-2011, 08:18 AM

Thanks Secrets ! Unfortunately I've been in several rehabs. & just got out of one a few months ago. I'll stay sober for a while & then I'll let the depression get the best of me & I relapse. I'm on Prozac but it doesn't seem to help. My counselor wants me back in the facility but I'm reluctant because it's a 6 mon. commitment. They call it transitional living. I'd have to give up my place & put everything in storage. I don't know what to do. I can't work because of my arm & will run out of money eventually. All bec

ause of booze. Even w/ all that I feel like getting drunk & not thinking about it. I'm reluctant to eat because I know I'll be back throwing up. I'm a mess but holding on. Thanks again. Mike

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