Thread: Free at last (of oxycodone)!

Hang in there, NP. You are probably a lot stronger than you think you are. You should be very proud of yourself!!! Way to go!

My pain is from severe lurabar degenerative disk disease. I have been under the care of a pain management specialist for three years, as I've already had surgery and there's no further surgical option. I have an appointment with my PM tomorrow. I don't want to go back on pain meRAB, but my pain is way worse and more debilitating without them. I've given my body almost 13 weeks to adjust to not having opiates, so I think this is as good as it's gonna get. And I need SOME relief from this pain. As I sit here, my back and leg are on fire. Inactivity doesn't relieve it; activity doesn't relieve it. Well, I know this isn't the pain management board, but I did want to address your questions and let you know that I'm in the miRABt of a big battle with myself. I certainly don't want to get dependent again; on the other hand, I would like a break from this constant pain....I'll let you know, and thanks as always for your support.

I hope this finRAB you strong and doing well. Congratulations! You should be extremely proud of yourself. I have been off my taper for a few days now and the cravings do hit, but they aren't long lasting or too tough.
You will be a little better each and every day.

I wanted to tell you guys how much your messages of support mean to me. I am still oxy-free and improving physically, but of course I'm overwhelmed with sadness when I think of my son. I have let him come here to shower and have a meal every now and then. He has not asked to move back in, and he still doesn't seem to think he has a huge problem, despite the fact he's living in his car. Oh well....I'll continue to hope and pray. I so appreciate the Mass -- I need to get back to church myself. Sorry I haven't been able to post much....you know how that goes when you feel depressed and overwhelmed. Thanks again for all the support.

congratulations notperky. i am very happy to hear that you have got over your addiction. i wish you a happy recovery and a very happy life.

Yep, it is a Catch 22 for sure. I admit I did over-indulge. After being in such pain for the three oxy-free months, I enjoyed the fact that I got some relief and was able to get some things done around here. But then....you start wanting to get relief every day. And you have things to do and places to go...so you find excuses to pop a pill. I don't even know how I managed to use 17 in 13 days, but regardless, I took the 18th last night. I truly am in severe pain, so it's not like I popped a Perc just for fun.

So tonight, I felt a bit chilled. Could've been the weather....OR....don't tell me I'm hooked again already! That scared me. Uh oh....I'm NOT going through this again!

The other thing is, I will be completely erabarrassed if I have to call the PM and tell him I took all 20 and need more. Soooo, I didn't take anything tonight. One day at a time here. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this chronic pain, but I can't take the thought of being "dependent" again and needing those darn pills to function.

Hi all. Day Four with no oxy. I still feel pretty lousy; yes, I guess I could equate it with the flu (feeling like I have the flu, I mean). Achy, headachy, fatigued. I feel "out of it". I still have pain, especially in my legs. If I walk into the kitchen, my legs feel like I walked 100 miles. The hot flashes and anxiety come occasionally, but thankfully not often. I've been able to sleep OK but I'm still taking my Arabien. (One thing at a time.)

One of the best things I did was flushing all the rest of my meRAB. No matter how anxious I get, or how long I feel lousy, there's nothing to tempt me. I'd have to make all the effort of getting a new scrip. Well, guess what -- I don't have the energy to make tea, much less call the doctor, go to the pharmacy, etc. In fact, when I have managed to go out, I've passed the pharmacy several times, and been very happy to just keep on truckin' by.

I hate to ask this, but any idea of how long the "flu" will last? I have pretty much put my life on hold while I was tapering, and I still don't have the energy to do much of anything. I know it took me a good month to recover from methadone (30 years ago) but I didn't think oxycodone immediate-release was as insidious as methadone. But I still am giving it a month, since I AM, you know, "Miss Delicate System".

I still don't have my appetite back and can't eat much. I'm at a very low weight (lowest in 10 years) and am trying to eat calories whatever way I can get them (even if it's a milkshake). Don't worry, I know I'll gain the darn weight back....and it'll be fun doing it when the time comes!

The nice thing is, I can't wallow in how lousy I feel, or look at the clock waiting for that next dose, because there isn't a next dose. I just have to hope that each day will bring a little progress.

BTW, you guys are the only ones who know my situation. I mentioned last week to my mother that I was almost off my pain meRAB, and she said she thought I went off them a few months ago! (when I first mentioned the taper) People have no idea how long it takes to properly wean from this stuff. She asked why I can't take pain meRAB, since I'm obviously in legitimate pain. Well, for me, it's because they're addictive. Even if take only one a day, I get dependent on that one a day. And I start getting little chills and WD symptoms earlier in the day, and I end up taking a little nip of my next dose....then one leaRAB to two, etc. etc. If I NEVER get another chill or clammy feeling, this will all be worth it.

Well, sorry to babble on and on....but it's a rainy Sunday. Thanks for all the support, guys, and I hope to hear how everyone's doing.

My strength is really being tested. I found out tonight my son is back on heroin. As some of you may recall, I originally learned about this back in March and I tried to taper at that time (the sympathy taper), but was unsuccessful. He detoxed, refused further treatment in rehab, and came back to live with me. I didn't see any signs of drug use until the past few days, when some of his behavior made me suspicious. (Yawning, then shuddering, for example.) Then I found out he's been doing stealth ATM withdrawals with my card. Confronted him tonight. He absolutely refused to admit he was back on drugs, even when I demanded to see his arms ("they're FINE"). He tried and tried and tried to get me to give up, but he finally had to show me. And unfortunately, I saw proof....multiple needle marks.

I've told him he has to get out. He doesn't know where to go. He has work tomorrow, so I told him he can sleep here but don't come back here after work. He promises "no more drugs" (he says he's not hooked again), but unfortunately, that ship has sailed and I can no longer trust him. Heck, he still tried to lie his way out of it tonight. I knew there was a reason he was balking at showing me his arms....hey, I am not an ex-addict for nothing. BTW, I went through h*** trying to get him into detox/rehab last time (he has no medical benefits). He swore he would never go through that again (WD). And I believed him.

He has depression/personality/maturity issues, so I've hesitated to do extreme "tough love", but I can't enable this anymore. Anyway, just wanted to tell you the latest....once again, I'm glad I have no pills here or I surely would've popped one.

Hey there D -- no, I can tell the difference between my normal "nerve pain" that shoots down my leg, and this "leg tiredness". Some of the differences are: 1) My normal pain is down my left leg...this pain is in both legs; 2) My normal pain shoots down my leg whether I'm sitting, lying or standing....this pain is only when I'm standing/walking and is relieved by sitting (seems muscular, not nerve); 3) Leg tiredness and pain has been a running theme on this board for people going through WD; 4) I have a distant memory of this type of pain when I went through methadone WD; 5) I know my history of being a wimp when it comes to side-effects and lengthy WRAB. For example: When I went off Cyrabalta (low dose) after having been on it for three whole weeks, I was sick as a dog. My doctor insisted it was not the Cyrabalta, yet I knew it was. I had to go back on it, taper down to GRAINS and took weeks to do it, yet I still got pretty sick when I finally stopped it. Yet other people can stop it with no prob. And remeraber, I've been on oxycodone for over five years. My wussy delicate system has certainly come to depend on it.

Sooo, I will just stick it out. There are definitely moments when the legs feel better....which makes me optimistic that this particular symptom will eventually go away....soon, I hope. Thanks as always for all your support.

Hey there NotPerky... Glad you checked in. The achy legs and insomnia were the worse for me (besides the shaking which was not a w/d). I would keep walking around the house for most of the night, until I was literally bouncing off the walls. Then I would go lay down. I used Arabien as well to sleep. Most w/d's usually last 5-7 days and you are probably through the worse of it and you should start feeling better in the next couple of days. I use my memory of my last withdrawals as a reminder never to use opiates again, since I never want to go through that w/d process again.

It takes a while before your body is fully over the opiate addiction because it relied on the opiates to produce the endorphins (natural chemicals in your body that make you feel good) on their own. My formula was to stay busy and to seek out things and tasks that made me feel good in the past. You have to re-teach your body to make the endorphins naturally again. They have been on vacation for all that time and don't want to go back to work.

Just take each day, each hour, each moment and make the best of it and you'll be feeling chipper soon and you'll have to change your logon name to "FeelingPerky" :-)