Thread: Second Go

I look at detox/withdrawals like that scene in Cast Away w/ Tom Hanks, where he is trying to get over the waves that are keeping him on the island. He tries and tries and tries, then eventually gets over that big wave, and he is free from the 'trap' that that island was.

If you havnt seen that movie, I suggest watching it. It is very motivational, and has a lot of parallel metaphors to drug addiction (just how I see it, dont think it was the writers intent)

6pm and i havnt dosed since the dillaudid 8 at 11:30 am today. Not motivated to go out, but my friend asked me to go pick him up from the airport tonight. The same friend who is on oxys, and trying to detox along with me. I'll peel myself off the couch n get him, but im soooo not into it. I pick him up at 820pm, around the time i was gonna make morphine tea. Ill have to wait until after I get him now, cause I dont drive after taking morphine, ever!...ohhhh 9pm until I can have a bit of relief, I guess that is a good thing. Till then

Well good luck to ya !! I was in the same boat a year ago, and yea its pure hell,and everytime you relaps it does get harder and harder on the body,soul and mind it truely does. I did some research on dr. For addiction found one and was put on subxone it works really well for me and is a great pain medicine also.(for me ) i hope everything works out for you.

agree with you on the benzo thing. Im not touching it. however I am a bit dissapointed at myself, Its 11:50 am and i took a dilly 8. I wanted to wait it out like i did yesterday (yesterday i took it at 3 pm). technically i should be waiting till after 3 pm so im having longer intervals between doses. well im not going to beat myself up over it, but I am going to bypass the valium tonight, and alltogether in future.

so far today 50 mg morphine at 5:30 AM...dillaudid 8 at 11:50 am... Im now going to ride it out as long as i can before taking another dilly or morphine.

BTW I crush up the morphine 50 with a spoon, and put it into boiling hot water, and drink it as a tea. Maybe ill have a 25 mg tea tonight before bed. I just want to do less and less. wish i didnt do this dilly, it hasnt affected me at all cause of my tolerance, i just saw it and impulsively took it, slap on wrist!! talk to yall before i go to bed.... im very achy at this point ..it SUCKS (an oxy 20 would have made me feel better in minutes when i used to do them; im glad i have the will power not to get sucked in to that nowadays...its a great feeling)

so i did take 50mg of morphine last night arount 11 pm. So much for my frienRAB 'detox in xyz days' plan.

its now 1 am and i woke up, not aching or anything so im good for now without meRAB. ive been having dreams about oxys tho. in my dream a friend keeps offering me an oxy at a house party but never enRAB up giving it to me, we just keep talking to random people then he goes 'oh yea the oxy relax ill get it' and the dream keeps repeating where he says okay yea so that oxy..one sec, then another random person interupts.

i got so frustrated, then woke to use the bathroom. gonna check email, read some threaRAB, then go back to bed till 7am n get ready for work. no meRAB for now necessary.

Tuesday 7:00am- im up, and well , did absolutely no drugs yesterday, besides some weed which jusy knocked my out, not to mention waking at 7 am yesterday. (didnt even need the ativan for sleep, I also have a couple risperideones for sleep, but will use em in emergengy) So I consider this day two.

I havnt gone and bought my home remedies yet; guess I ll do that today, as I was just too energyless yesterday. This morning a woke up really achy, lke I couldnt get outta bed to go to bathroom, but as I walked around some, my joints relexed and It is not that bad 'knock on wood'.

I also have some valiums, and 2 clonazepam 2's for if my anxiety goes through the roof (probably save those for when I return to work on Thursday). I AM DETERMINED to fight and 'will' this cleansing into existence.

I cant turn back now, and like I said im honest on here, it wouldnt be of any interest or benefit to lie, which makes it a nother outside pressure for me to stay on this clean path. If I were to take a quarter of a morphine, I would document it, 1) cause if not doing this for any of you, its for myself...and 2) it would mess up my journal and log, which I take pride in being honest in. If I releapse, I relapse, and your all gonna hear about it, cause thats part of the game often, so I have no shame there.

I am just stoked that this morning hasnt been an ache fest, and I am able to walk up and down my two flights of stairs with ease. Gonna chill and watch everything my gf 'pvr'd' today (jersey shore, celeb rehab, dunno what else) but yes I will be a veg today, with NO drugs, except the vitamins I just took, D, B6, one-a-day, and Im comtemplating this L-Tyrosine. (L tyrosine is great more mentakl fatique, but it makes my mind race, and therefore I get anxious (it would be the opposite of say, taking a klonpin or valium, to chiil the mind, it would put me into overdrive, and I d want to clean my whole house (I get a clarity when I do them, like "is this really the pig sty Ive been living in?...and I got crazy trying to clean it up fast) so ill leave that alone today, might end up over exerting myself. Nope today is fouton/tv/music/pvr/lunch w my gf (who doesnt know im detoxing btw) ill have to tell her that those anxiety pills messed me up a bit, because i did admit those to her last week, when she busted my for leaving at 8 in the morning.

Heres to my day 2, and your day!... hey Emsmom, you back yet? how was it? And Ravensgirl, you are a trooper! I can tell you 'want this' and when you want something, nothing can stand in your way. Reach out if you need any more lil tips, and Ill do the same if I get stuck. But baby Im stoked to be on the path of not relying on these pills. over and out for now....

Oh my song of the week right now is by Mark Ronson & D'Angelo, cant recall the title, but its epic...I may have it on repeat today to keep me focused. For those of you who know music, thats an awesome collabo!...look for it on web, you'll thank me!!! D'angelo spills his soul with funk/soul imagery, and Mark Ronson & the busness intl. is a producer's producer! (he did Nikki Costas 'everybodys got that something', lot of 'Amy Whinehouses' recorRAB, and 'oooow weee ft Nate dogg & Ghostface' to name a few.... I DJ and produce BTW....

edit: its called 'glass mountain trust' (has become my anthem for this time!...gota turn it up LOUD)

lyrics:

Mark Ronson- Glass Mountain Trust Lyrics (feat. D’Angelo)

I look up at this mountain in marble
It stanRAB so tall
So tragically it’s fragile
I’m waiting for it to fall
Enormous mass it’s made of glass
Instead of with a substance
That’s stronger
U thought that it would hold me
I can’t take it any longer

I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out

[REPEAT]
I’m free now
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out

The fortress of our trust
A mirage of a might mound
I let U build around me
Above me
It seemed profound
But much to my surprise
It receives a little hit
And it crurables
I’m leaning at the core
No support
All I can do is sturable

I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out

[REPEAT]
I’m free now
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out

I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out

[REPEAT]
I’m free now
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out
A streak of light
Exposes all the glass for stone
This mountain
Can no longer pass
The confidence that we share
Has been a facade
I’m breaking out and
Leaving only the sharRAB
Formidable
The structure only looks
I bust right through the glass
One attempt and
That’s all it took
I wanted to remain
Feeling safe
But it just can’t sustain me
It feels more like a trap
Gotta break out
Won’t let it contain me

I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna break out
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out

[REPEAT]
I’m free now
I’m gonna take
All of my love back
On the way out....

How did your night go, second go? How are the leg aches? What about being aggravated?

Since you've been downloading alot of tunes lately, what is your favorite song(s) at the moment?

emsmom

Hey Second Go

I know I've basically just posted my thoughts and questions on the thread I started, but I had an experience yesterday that reminded me of what you wrote below. Maybe you will have some insight for me from your own experience. I twisted my ankle walking after the ice storm we had yesterday. After trying all non-narcotic means to make it pain ease up, I was left with 2 choices. My mother was over, and I know she uses percocet for her Crohn's disease. They are low dose, and 1/2 a pill would be less than the least any doc would give me at the ER (which they were saying was full due to accidents from the ice storm) or at Secure Care (the walk-in med clinic places, least that's what they call them here). I also knew if I called my doc, he'd likely call in a prescription, which would be for more than one pill. Thankfully, all the other options scared me--I don't want access to these things again. I don't want the temptation put right in front of me again. So I asked my mother if I could have 1/2 of one of her pills, which would be the absolute lowest amount of opiate I would get compared to the other options, and if that didn't help me, along with keeping it iced and elevated the rest of the day, then I'd go to the ER or what have you. After some debate about what it might do to my sobriety, she did give me that 1/2. This reminded me of when you said you'd gone cold turkey, then had a celebratory pill and it kicked it off again for you. I was scared the whole time, worried I would feel that "high" again, and then, when the pill started to wear off, would start craving hard again, like I did when I started my detox. So now it's the next morning, and so far, none of that. But I'm still scared I might feel some/all of that today, or that the lethargy and other withdrawal effects I've been fighting would get worse from this. And I feel guilty that I had almost 6 days with no opiates whatsoever, and then had that 1/2 pill. Any thoughts you have for me/about this? And thanks in advance!

and my God do I hate TOLERANCE, i swear sometimes a 100 morph does nothing for me, except myb take a bit if the egde off, anyways, im going to journal my usage here..I will write every time i use, i will use this as a push for me to do longer intervals between doses, and I use your threaRAB as strenghth. so far today Ive taken 50 mg of morphine, and a dilauded 8. I will post when I use next, and im hoping for a longer stretch between using as I want to taper quickly. I will not bullsh!t here, if I mess up, yall will know, I have no shame that way, I just would like to show how it can be done for someone who may be on the same boat as me...I also just took a one-a day vitamin and a b6, i might take an l-tyrosine for mental boost , but i find that those make ky mind race and i get anxious, so i prob wont (I save those for emergencys like if im barly functioning)..talk soon ppl ....

Yeah but don't downplay the fact that you're taking less than you anticipated. It's not the amount you're taking or even the dose that you should be focusing on - it's fact that you are using self-control to take as little as possible.

Also, the fact that you are holding your own meRAB says alot about your character. The average addict can't help but take a handful at the first sign of withdrawal.

So, give yourself a pat on the back - you deserve it.

RegarRAB,
emsmom

well I picked up my buddy from the airport and we smoked some weed on the way back. He had done his pills before getting on the plane etc so we didint do any when i picked him up.

I got home and was so tired from the day (woke up at 5:30 am, took some morphine, then went to work), i got home and was so tired, I wanted to make my morphine tea but girlfriend was still up. I was just feeling moderate aches, so I told her I was just going to go to bed. So I went to bed with no pain med.

(so no meRAB since 11:30 am dilly 8). i just woke up now and its 3am I think. the girlfriend told me i was restlessly moving and told me to turn over, well I just went to bathroom and came downstairs to the laptop, Im quite achy, so Im going to make a 50 mg morphine tea now, then return to bed.

Proud of my long day without opiates, the weed didnt really help tho (some people say it helps them) well for me it made me think about doing more morphine, and also just made me tiired and burnt out feeling, so i did its job and allowed me to skip my bedtime dose. although Im kinda doing it now.

I like long stretches of time between opiates, theyre like little tests of pain endurance, and I surprise myself sometimes. im going to take this tea, and Im going to ATTEMPT to not take any opiates when i wake up later. If I can do that I will shocked, cause I always need that morning boost (so my mind and arms n legs say) But i might try to fight it... gonna read up for half hour on here and go back to bed

(ohh and his plane came in late at 10:20pm instead of 8:20, which made it a longer wait until i could dose, but the weeed got me through that phase of the night