Thread: My husband's lazy and out of shape and I'm not as attracted to him anymore...?

Okay...I know a lot of you are going to come down on me and tell me that "looks aren't important" and I'm "shallow" and blah blah blah. I'm not on here because I want to leave my husband because he's unattractive. I love him very much and am very committed to him. So, if you're planning on telling me how horrible I am, you can stop reading here and move on to another question. My concerns are legitimate.My husband is in the Army and being in shape is a requirement for his job. He's also been talking about putting a packet in for Selection, so his physical abilities come into play even more. He used to be in pristine shape...I mean the six pack abs and the arms that would stretch the sleeves of his t-shirts. He had always been that way since the day we met (before the Army). I also keep myself in good shape, although not as great as that (I've had kids)...I like to look good for my husband. Since my husband came back from Iraq 10 months ago, he's completely let himself go. He stopped working out all together, he's been eating fast food more and more, and he spends his days lying around the house. While in Iraq he was very strict with his work outs, but now he keeps saying he'll get around to doing it again, but never does. His physical appearance and just lazy attitude has made me less attracted to him and our sex life (and marriage) have suffered.So, how can I let him know all of this without insulting him and making him feel fat? (I tried once and he spent the rest of the night saying "my wife thinks I'm fat.") I understand it could be the transition from Iraq to home causing some problems. I just want my husband back. He doesn't have to be in "perfect shape"...I don't care, just happy. Any suggestions?Heather, he wasn't gone for 10 months...he's been home for 10 months. He was actually deployed for 15 months.

So help him get into shape & talk about how he should help you out a little more, if you love him, you will accept him no matter what & help him overcome & any flaws & imperfections he's willing to change. That's what marriage is about.

Tell him that you are concerned about his health and offer to go to the gym with him a few times a week.

Being away from home for 10 months can have a big effect on a person. He is enjoying everything he missed. Sitting around, fast food etc. Stock the pantry with good food. Nothing bad ever. Get him out of bed to go jogging or to go to the gym. Don't take no for an answer. Everyone always feels better at the end of a workout. Challenge him to a contest. (zero TV or only 1 hour a day, and work out and sex every day.)

The transition from Iraq to home could have caused some problems, yes. How about being in a war zone for causing problems. Men don't come home from war the same men they were when they left. Probably his mental health is more of a concern than his physical, whatever you do, be gentle with him, give him some space and time to process the whole experience. He'll change over time, war or not, we all do. You love him and you are in a committed relationship, surely you are attracted to him by more than his physical appearance?

Suggest you work out together so he doesn't feel like its just him your concerned about. I agree with you though and I dont think you sound shallow, its important to stay attractive for your partner.

You have no idea what he has experienced. I'm sure he will eventually get back to being himself if you are a supportive wife. He sounds like he is suffering from depression. Most of these guys do suffer from depression in one form or another. He might need to talk to someone who won't judge him.