My grown, out-of-state children announced a few weeks ago that they are visiting next weekend. Excitement ahead, one would think?

They have announced a schedule that includes visiting my ex (not a blood relative to any of them), with whom they know I have strained relations, and who hurt me both emotionally and financially, for the middle part of the only full day they are here. And they announced in email that they are available 'here', 'here' and 'here', none of which allows for one of the major events I had planned ,and to which they had agreed previously.

I think it is rude of them to tell me that anything to do with me has to revolve around that particular scheduled visit. Shouldn’t they show a little more consideration than that? I would rather they have not told me they were coming at all if the main event of their visit is to see this person. I’m supposed to be happy they are seeing her, and completely willing to trash my weekend?

I have no objection to them seeing her if they want – but I feel it is rude for them to not even acknowledge my feelings or sensibilities in this matter, and particularly to tell me that seeing me revolves around that.

I don't want to go off on them, but I do want to hold my ground on scheduling, etc. and preserve some dignity here – I will not be a doormat. I am thinking of just writing them and saying what events are planned, and when I am going to do things, and they I hope they can make it, and just leave it at that.

Any other suggestions on what to say/do?