What's wrong with me? I'm a christian, but why is porn and sex such a big

[Tatyana Fountain]

ordeal in my life? ok. looooooong story. i was a very curious kid. what started out as doctor with other kids at the age of 4 eventually turned into pretty much everything except all out sex (we're talkin anything that you could put your mouth or fingers on. both guys and girls) by the age of 8 - yes, i was a messed up child. but moving on. when i was almost 10 i started pretty much doing the same thing with an older family member... some people would say it was abuse, but i don't really know cause at first i enjoyed it and even though sometimes he literally had to beg me to comply (cause by then i was old enough to know it was wrong), i was never held down or forced. it stopped around 13ish (and happened randomly once more around the age of 15). never had sex though, just pretty much everything but. other than what happened when i was a kid or with said family member, i've never had a bf, and only kissed a guy once (lasted 15 seconds). thats it. but once all that stopped around 14 is when i got hooked on porn. it was on again off again and still is now (i'm 19- currently on again).

i mean i'm a girl, was i hardwired wrong? cause last i knew girls don't have porn addictions. but what bothers me most is like a constant battle in my head. half of the time i swear to myself i will never have sex and i don't understand how others can do such a disgusting and vile thing. but the other half of the time i want it so bad, so much that if there was a guy near me who was even halfways interested there would be absolutely no stopping it (luckily for me, god didn't bless me with ridiculous amounts of beauty or a hot body so i don't have the problem of guys being interested).

also i'm a christian, for as long as i can remember. so that throws a whole new spin on things too. i don't know how many times i've asked for forgiveness and i know i've been forgiven, but i can't kick the porn habit, which kinda makes me feel like askin for gods grace again is pointless when i know i'm gonna screw up again in just a few more minutes.
i have a few christian friends and older women from my old church (before i came to college) who know and i talk to about it, but i just feel like since i was exposed to sex for as long as i can remember, it doens't matter who i talk to or how much i pray, it's etched on my brain, and it will never go away.

some nights it bothers me more than others. tonight would be one of those nights. but what's wrong with me that i can't forget about all of this and what happened. God forgets about it, but i can't let it go. It's taken over my thoughts, it's taken over practically my whole life when it shouldn't. i mean its sex, the world revolves around sex. why is it such a big deal to me?

[ruben open eyes]

well it is such a joy to you because you were taught well and u were taken to a muiti climatic organism..your features are exceptional and you learned to exploit your G-spot as you see sexual climates ...get a good boy friend..have protection...and journey with it....its your business..and its your rush...just moderate it ..like every thing else......e mail me and tell me how your making out...please i get excited from listening ..thanks good skills to you always///

[Don]

There's nothing wrong with you. All life is programmed to want to have sex to continue the genetic line. Seeing sexual images is in line with that programming. Of course, it does get in the way with work, school and relationships.

Seeing a counselor can help you gain better control.

What I would recommend is you masturbate each morning to get rid of the drive so you can continue your day without being "horny".

As for God... there is no god. The concept is ancient superstitious beliefs. Logically, if there was, why would god program you and all other life this way and punish you for acting on the instincts you were given.

[Don]

There's nothing wrong with you. All life is programmed to want to have sex to continue the genetic line. Seeing sexual images is in line with that programming. Of course, it does get in the way with work, school and relationships.

Seeing a counselor can help you gain better control.

What I would recommend is you masturbate each morning to get rid of the drive so you can continue your day without being "horny".

As for God... there is no god. The concept is ancient superstitious beliefs. Logically, if there was, why would god program you and all other life this way and punish you for acting on the instincts you were given.

[Michael A]

On one hand, I believe sex is one of God's incredible gifts to us, and it's not bad or icky or wrong.

It's okay if you have lots of sexual desire -- our bodies work that way, and girls are allowed to be sexual too.

However, on the other hand, it sounds like you were introduced to sex really early, and perhaps that shaped your thinking.

I think tons of kids play sex games, but it was wrong of an older family member to open you up to sex so early. I'm sad he did that.

But listen -- you aren't a bad person! God delights in you! You are good and beautiful, and it's really okay for you to want sex.

I do think you need to develop close friendships, however, and you certainly need a counselor to talk to for several months -- I'm just being realistic -- because it will take you a while to express and work through all your feelings about this.

You aren't broken, and you aren't sinful, and you aren't weird. You're just a really nice girl who is very sexual and is trying to figure out how to plug her feelings into relationships in a good, healthy, beautiful and God-honoring way. In other words, you sound like a really great person. Be patient with this, and love yourself .

[kael]

It's perfectly normal for a female to like sex and porn. It's hardwired into the brain. Women just don't usually talk about it, and feel its 'improper' to let it be known publicly. Hell, look at all the 'studs-n-spurs' and 'chip-n-dale' calendars, the 'thunder from down under' Vegas show, all the yaoi on the internet and in manga, the hordes of sweaty romance novels! Porn for women is everywhere, just dressed up a little more than the men's version. So don't worry about that, at least.

However, as to the rest...I would really, really recommend seeing a counselor about your experiences as a child. Don't think of it as there being anything 'wrong' with you. Counselors are awesome. They'll help you work through all of your confusion, and make you all the stronger and more confident for it. It's likely that you've developed certain unconscious stigma's/opinions about sex and intimacy because of your experiences that really should be worked out before you get involved in a serious relationship. Otherwise you could be looking or more problems down the line.

As far as the Christian aspect...I'm of a different faith myself, but as far as I know you've no need to worry. Just try and wait until you're married to go 'all the way.' If you've any doubts, just take a look at the history of the Church (I'm a History grad), it's riddled with sexual scandal and craziness. No one is perfect. Just do your best to be a good person, and don't forget to take care of yourself too.

All the best to you!