I have always considered myself to be straight until last summer. I was boy crazy. Last summer a friend came to stay with me and he told me that he was gay; for some reason it got me questioning my sexuality. I have OCD and my OCD makes me question everything so much to the point it makes me frustrated. I had my first boyfriend last summer, i really really liked him, but my worries from the summer kept plaguing me, but then they went away. I fell for him and he always turned me on. Unfortunately we broke up last November and I was gutted; I went into major depression.

A few months ago I also had my first lesbian experience with a girl; i was very drunk and dont remember much nor do i wish to. since my OCD has gotten worse. Like I feel as if I've lost my attraction to guys. I swear I get turned on by girls and this terrifies me. I dont wish to be with a girl, I think women are difficult and moody and I love men as they are so chilled and i like the idea of being protected by a guy. my fantasies are always with men. i see myself being in a relationship with men. I find girls bodies extremely attractive and i think i get turned on, but i dont think i want to have sex with her or be with her. i find the female body more attractive than the male body, but apprently a lot of straight women even think so. ever since the incident with the girl im terrified im a lesbian and ive been asking my mum if she ever noticed any signs (my mum is really liberal) and she said there were no signs whatsoever to suggest me being gay.

i just want to be back to normal, like i was last year, obsessing over hot guys instead of questioning myself a hundred times a day, obsessing whether my feeling for my ex boyfriend were real and whether i was really ever attracted to guys in the past. i am sick of it and it drives me insane; i cant even watch tv without being scared i'd be turned on by female actresses and i check girls out to test whether im attracted to them. i know a lot of teenagers go through a bisexual stage, but im 19. i read that people can change orientation later in life or it takes time to realise you're gay and this worried me even more. Is this my mind playing tricks on me or could I really be bisexual or gay?