Joke thread part quatre!

[I eated a cookie]

Little Johnnie is grounded again!


Little Johnnie's neigrabroadour had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.


When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie'sfamily was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talkwith him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anythingabout the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears,hewould get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'

The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie.

Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful littlehanRAB, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'

'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be well fxxxed if he needed glasses'.

[G.M.F]

image

[Skyler--That Grey Box]

A guy had a genetic defect and was well endowed with five male appendages. His underpants fit him like a glove.

[eyestache]

Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.


He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crab delicacy staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeding to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.


Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"


Not one hand went up...so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:


1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as durab as most folks think.

[♥ SiNeAd ♥]

Mate approached this fat bird in a nightclub last night and asked her if she had a pen.
She was all excited about the fact that she had a man showing her interest and she gave him a smile and said "yes i have".
He said "well you'd better get back in the ****er before the farmer discovers you got out".

[Ms Thang]

With hinRABight, I should have posted my facebook status as:
"I have blown the head gasket on my 1997 Ford".
Rather than:
"I've just ****ed a 13 year old escort".
Still, I don't get out much and a few hours at the local police station made a change.

[austin]

You have to be smart to be a lawyer?


These are (allegedly) from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[hearts_rsweet]

2 tailor shop jokes for you.

A huncrabroadack walks into a tailor's shop and asks
" Do you have a suit to fit me ? "
" If we do , somebody is getting sacked " replies the manager.


A guy is getting fitted for a suit in a tailor's shop.
Assistant - " Do you want buttons on the fly ? "
Customer - " No , I'd better just pay for them "

[..!!kRiiSsY!!..]

Are you sure?

[iThug]

No false advertising here.
I din't say they were good jokes

EDIT - Just realised what you meant. Spelling corrected.