Hi, I am an 18 year old male and I am concerned I may have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, also known as OCD. My curiosity has led me to thoroughly study the mental illness so that I was able to educate myself before making any conclusions. At first, like many people, I simply thought that OCD was another word for being a compulsive "neat freak" (for lack of better words). I began to think I was either crazy or someone who "over-contemplates" everything as I have always had micro "mental battles" with myself on a daily basis for as long as I can remember. After search for an answer regarding my mental behaviour, I stumbled across the seemingly over-used disorder known as OCD. Coincidentally, I have been called 'OCD' before due to my habitual cleanliness but obviously never regarding the thoughts that would go on in my own head (obviously I had never told anyone - I figured they would think I was off my rocker). Anyhow, after focusing my studies on this specific disorder, I noticed that the described symptoms (side effects) almost perfectly outlined my mental behaviour. Now that I have explained why I feel the need to ask this online community, let me tell you a little bit about my own situation.

I am a seemingly normal guy who enjoys being active, athletic, and being with friends - although I've always held battles with my own mind for as long as I could remember being a small child. For example, when I was younger, I felt the need to do certain things such as touch an object (sometimes a certain amount of times) or do something out of the ordinary because a small "voice" (I guess you could say) would tell me that if I don't do this, something very bad will happen to either myself or a loved one. These "terrible consequences" would sometimes be vividly enacted within my own mind - they are quite disturbing events that feel intrusive and I can't shake the thought. Today as an 18 year old, instead of having random impulses (although they do still occur, just not as often) I find myself worrying that I may violently harm a loved on or accidentally do something that could consequentially harm them. Similarly, the disturbing event that I would imagine taking place is enacted within my mind and is disturbing to me. I am by no means a violent person nor have I ever felt the desire to hurt anyone; it is almost as if my mind is testing me to do the very opposite thing I would never do in order to upset me. The thoughts are very disturbing to me and me, not knowing about OCD, would usually just try to wait the thought out until it would finally go away (therefore, obsessions would occur, but compulsions would not follow). Please do not mistake me for a "mental" person who is a borderline psychopath because the reason I ask this community is because I don't want to go to a doctor because the disorder doesn't actually bother me all that much - although the thoughts disturb me very much, I manage to live with the minor compulsions that I have. Now let me talk about some of my compulsions. I am an EXTREMELY neat and organized person and I tend to be in a sour mood if I don't follow my daily routine or if my things are out of place. I don't see this as a terribly bad things because I am only very particular with my own belongings and I couldn't care less if other peoples' things are dirty or out of place. As long as my things are organized and in their place, I couldn't care less what other people do. For example, when I go to my girlfriend's house, it is not nice and organized like my things but it doesn't bother me. If she goes upstairs to get dressed, sometimes I will clean because it makes me feel better. Don't mistake me for overdramatic though, it's not like I will cry if my things aren't placed properly or clean, I just tend to be a bit pissed off. Also, another symptom that I recognize is that sometimes when I am driving, I feel a sort of urge to swerve into oncoming traffic, not because I am suicidal but it's almost like my brain is saying "come on why not" and playing out the horrible event that would follow while I'm thinking "no that's ridiculous I'm not going to do that". Again, don't mistake me for crazy I know I would NEVER act on this impulse but the thought is occasionally there and I have read that this is common for people with OCD. I also double,triple, and sometimes quadruple check things sometimes because although I am POSITIVE I did whatever needed to be done, I feel the need to check again. This is common with checking if doors are locked - another common symptom of OCD. Like many with OCD, the compulsions that I occasionally feel the need to do I realize are completely illogical and useless although I feel better doing them anyways.
On the other hand, I have read that sufferers from OCD feel the need to wash themselves again and again as well as having an obsession with numbers. Although I like to be clean (showered), I may wash my hands more than the average person, I don't feel the need to scrub them raw or have an intense fear of germs (although I do not like touching door handles, I rather push doors open with my body). Also, I do not really have an obsession with numbers (for example opening and closing things a certain amount of times) although I do prefer certain numbers over others. In conclusion, I feel that whatever I have is annoying but it does not bother me to the point of medication to live with it. I would like to know if I have OCD and I thank you so much for your input.

Thank you for all your time I know this is a long post,

All the best.