Thread: What do you think of this essay that I wrote for English class?

I think that classes that teach about homosexuality and bisexuality should be compulsory in American schools to prevent bullying. Let me explain why:

Too often, lesbian, gay, or bisexual students are bullied because of the gender(s) that they like. This is unacceptable on many different levels, but the worst part is that this harassment comes not only from students, but employees too! Imagine having a teacher who would rather you be in a different class! Some people claim that bullying is 'part of life', but I beg to differ. Why should it be a part of life? What good comes out of getting emotionally, or even physically hurt? I think that the answer is obvious. A school cannot just defend itself by saying that the student(s) should tell a teacher. Schools should not wait until the bullying happens, rather they should abolish it altogether! I know that if I were the principal of a school, I would certainly not want said school to be a hot topic of the media just because my students are intolerant!

However, bullying does not just make the student feel terrible. No, bullying also hinders the students' ability to work! You cannot truly know how hard it is to block out insults until you are the one receiving them, and the adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." is simply not true. Even if a school does not care about being known as an interolant school, it will definitely care about being known as a school whose students have low grades. Schools exist to provide an education, and this simply cannot happen when bigotry is taking place within the classrooms! Moreso, such bigotry may even cause the student(s) to drop out of school altogether. Should it really take a child feeling unsafe at school to bring about change?

If these facts weren't daunting enough, then here's something even more grim: teenagers that are bisexual or homosexual are three times more likely to commit suicide than others their own age. It does not matter where you come from, what religion you practice, what orientation you are, ect: if you think this is a good thing, then you are not sane enough to walk the streets. Are you going to be the one to tell the parent of a homosexual or bisexual who has just suicided that you didn't take any measures to prevent the harassment they faced? The thought of it is heartbreaking.

In conclusion, I think classes that teach about homosexuality and bisexuality should be compulsory in American schools to prevent ignorance and bullying, lest someone, whom may very well be your best friend, fall victim to the atrocities that the halls of high school can hold.

It's pretty good. What grade level is it for?

Also, suicided, I'm pretty sure, isn't a word. Use "commited suicide" and don't use "etc." in your essay. Just take it out and put an "or" before "what orientation you are"

I didn't read the entire thing but right off the bat I would say that 'employees' is awkward when you are talking about a school. It should be students and faculty.

Also, do not use exclamation points in an essay.

Depending on the grade level, I'd have to say it's pretty juvenile. The subject matter isn't, but I wrote an essay in the seventh grade about school dress code that used sentences and words in the way that you do. I think you need to take out a thesaurus and need to learn how to write more complex sentences.

And never ever use "In conclusion" for the final paragraph of your essay. NEVER.