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Good morning Lugar. I made it somehow. How was your's ? I'm not really religious but I did a lot of praying last night. It's terrible to be unhappy waking up. Now another long day of white knuckles. I have another issue that's dragging me down. I have a lady that I really care for that has distanced herself from me. She is also in recovery. What's ironic is that when she was having a hard time with alcohol I was sober & I took care of her. Now here I am waiting for the phone to ring & it never does. Anyway I'm here with you. We have to be strong Lugar. It was nice reading before I went to sleep instead of passing out. I hope tonight isn't as hard as last night. This constant mental torture is wearing me down. I also have an eating disorder ( Bulimia ) that I'm fighting. I'm so tired of everything. I know this may sound strange but the only thing that's keeping me moving is this board. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I'm here for you.

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Secrets it's so good to have your frienRABhip. You don't have to worry, I'll be ok. We all have bad days. As long as I don't take that first drink it will get better. Please take good care of yourself. Love, Mike

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Just wanted to drop a quick line to you mike.......welcome on board!! Im so glad youve found this site as there are some fantastic people out therre who will offer you invaluable support and good wishes ('secrets' I believe has already sent you a ppost). Listen,I totally get where your coming from and believe that you are gonna need to find a good support network if you are to tackle things effectively. Do you have anyone in your new town who you can confide in? Whats your GP like? Also do check out AA meetings as so many people seem to think they help and maybe that would be a good start for you. I myself am at the very beginning too and am looking into finding an NA/AA meet in my area so maybe we could egg each other on?!
Keep us posted to your progress...good or bad as we are all here to support you.
Sending a big hug your way right now. XoXo Lugar XoXoX

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Mike my MAN!!!

I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU I COULD PUKE! Seriously!!!! hahhaha You made a HUGE step yesterday and for that pat yourself on the back and give yourself a hug from ME!

I agree with Denon about changing our habits to make the temptation less for us... I know for me it's hard when I go to the pharmacy to pick up my depression meRAB (celexa) because I used to go there like once a week to pick up my pain pills and I remeraber the excitement I would feel driving the few blocks to get there, going in getting my meRAB and I would be in the parking lot ripping the bag open, popping the top to the bottle and taking 2 oxy's immediatly.. Wow, that is erabarrasing! Now... I just calmly go pick up my meRAB, get back in the car and drive home trying to distract myself with loud music or making a phone call.... It's so weird how things effect us..

Bottom line.. you did a great job yesterday and I am so proud of how far you have made it! You are doing great! Keep going!!!! I know you can do it! We are here for you!

So.. how are you holding up today?? I have been thinking of you!
XOXOXO

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CC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!! YOUR BACK!! Believe it or not but you were only not on for a day and I missed you!!!!!!!

I think everything that you said to Mike was GREAT! So Mike, I second everything she said!!!

CC, I am sorry to hear you had a REALLY bad day yesterday!!! That is horrible. I am so glad and proud of you that you are still clean! I know how hard it is!!!! SO HARD! It's okay to be a mess!! Sometimes we all have to be a mess.. I am on the verge of mess so I completely understand! I am really bummed that I will not be able to have any contact with you guys this weekend.. I swear.. you guys are the only reason I have stayed sane and sober this last week and now i have to go the whole weekend without you!!! Last night I almost told my husband everything.. I was so close and then I chickened out big time.... UGH.. I almost hyperventilated!! It was pathetic so I didn't tell him.. But I got close and I never have before! CC I really care for you so thank you so much for your support and care!

I gotta get back to work.. I will keep checking this though.. I am here for 2 more hours. Also, how COOL you live on the out skirts of LONDON!!! I would love to go there.
XOXOX

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Mike.......How was your night, did you sleep? Let us know how you are doing please. Denon's post was right on......he gives such good advice!!!!

Take care
Talk to you later.

Lyn

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Most the time mornings are the hardest for me. I just told myself my best is all I can ever expect myself to do. That goes for all of us right mike? Lugar I hope your day goes good as well. Mike, how did your night go? We you able to eat something for dinner? Were you able to sleep at all? Well....a new day and a new fight, we are all battleing the same fight. Mike I hope your mind was able to get some rest. That's the hardest for me, my mind racing in so many different directions, sometimes it is hard just to think of something other than the goal I have set for myself. Now just take it hour by hour tapering slowly to get to my goal. That way it doesn't seem like my goal is so far out of reach. I have been there with the drinking years ago, I woke up one day and knew had give my best friend up. I really did use the drinking to get through every problem in my life. And of course I used my drinking to show myself a good time. Back then I never thought of the possibility of not drinking ever again. But after a battle from*#*# mentally did it. Here I am again trying to control my meRAB , so I can be where I am suppose to to control my chronic pain. I know that all my battles will never be over, just maybe in time easier physically and the hard one mentally. Sorry just rarable on.I and with you guys on this battle. My God give us wisdom and strengh today , we are not alone. Mike let us know how your night went? Crocheting

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Hi Mike, I haven't read all the responses due to time restraints but wanted to give you some hurable advice.

I also relapsed after being sober over 10 years. I have a painful illness, had to quit working, was on pain meRAB, in a deep depression and just said **** it i might as well drink. i just couldn't handle all the feelings, and the loss of my health and ability to work. I am on ssdi. and I recommend that you apply immediately. I think that you have to apply within 6 months of your last day of work if i am not mistaken. It took 6 months to for me to get my first check. I worked for 30 years and get 970 a month. I am now working part time and will soon go back to full time and lose the benefits, but I needed it for 4 years. so apply on line, you can always change your mind later.

Have you tried neurontin for the pain? Lyrica works even better for a lot of people. I think it was originally for peripheral neuropathy and I take it for fibromyalgia.

It is so hard to go back to aa after relapse, but once you fess up and you only have to talk about relapse one time. then let it go, grieve the loss, feel the hurt pride and let it go, and stick to the topic there after. I felt like i had to explain it at every meeting i went to. but it was just my hurt pride.

I wish you all the best. I'm glad you posted.

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Thanks Secrets ! I'll be in touch. Almost have another day knocked down !

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If your doctors are suggesting that you file for disability, then do it. You will more than likely get denied the first go round, most do. Then get an attorney and let him or her deal with the appeals and all.

Don't let what people who are not your doctors tell you that you won't get it. You have nothing to lose by filing and possibly much to gain.

Also, I agree with the other posters. Find some good meetings, get a sponsor and go from there. Very few of us can get clean and sober on our own. It sounRAB like you really want to quit drinking, if for no other reason than your health. Let that be your starting point. Once you find some good solid people with good solid sobriety, you will find that there is a whole world of reasons to get sober and very few if any to keep getting drunk.

I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.

Liz