I'd like to have a pity party.. cause right now life sucks..

There may be good news on the horizon, but then I stared looking in grad schools.. then the pity party came a'calling again. Man why do I stress about things. That could explain the gray hairs.

As for the good news, if they approve my late withdraw, I'll drop all but three of my classes from last semester, because I can't get one of my professors to fill out the damn form! I don't have time right now to babysit a grown man to make sure that he fills out a form or sends an email! I have funeral arrangements to make, if anything I think that they can take that into consideration. To boot, I am now looking for full time employment, that means school full time, work full time and at the same time making sure that my mum is alright. So much for going overseas to look at old things and dig in the dirt for even more old things. That won't be happening any time soon, because what she gets a month is not enough for her to live on for the rest of her years, someone will have to take care of her. I'm the one that gets to do it. Me, the one that has decided not to marry at a young age or have children at a young age. Instead I wanted to travel, see the world, study in some odd places. Now that is gone, because I am the one that everyone is looking to to take care of my mom. I'll do it, because it is the right thing to do, and I doubt if I'll like every minute of it. I swore that one day that I'll start dating again, but hell even that has been placed in a holding pattern.

The one thing that is pissing me off more than anything else in the world right now, my dad is smoking five fucken packs a day! At 5 dollars a pack, that is 20 dollars a fucken day just for him to smoke, my mom maybe half a pack.. maybe, but even we are having to buy her two or three because he also is smoking hers. So the number may be higher, but in 4 days that is 100 dollars. We just don't have that kind of money to burn. The nest egg that was saved in cause of something bad is used up, sure my sister gets paid, but she does not get paid a whole lot, besides she has two kids.


I REFUSE to drop out of school because of this! I REFUSE! I'll switch schools, move away and tell everyone to kiss my very white, very southern ass before I drop out! I am the first person in my family to be sitting in a university. I REFUSE to allow this chance to just go away, because life decided to screw me over for a wee bit.