Good one
There's always one
Well, I'm never going back to Scarborough again!
I was walking along the seafront when I saw a couple arguing, then the guy started hitting his wife.
I was about to step in when a policeman came along, but rather than sorting things out, he just made matters worse when he took out his truncheon and started hitting both of them.
Then the guy got the weapon off the copper and started smacking his wife and the policeman with it.
Then along came a crocodile and stole the sausages..........
Oh, Weetsie! You cracked me up with that one! PLease tell me you don't honestly mean that.
Our father,
Who art in prison,
Me mum don’t' know his name,
Yer riots come,
It's gonna be done
In Birmingham as it is in London .
Give us this day our welfare rent
And forgive us our looting,
As we’re happy to loot those who defend stuff against us,
Lead us not into employment,
But deliver us free housing,
For thine is the Reebok,
The Burberry & the Barcardi
Forever and ever
...innit.
Irish Burial at Sea
Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.
They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.
After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'
Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.
'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'
After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.
Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest.
So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
WAIT FOR IT . . . . . .
'Aye 'tis,
NOW hand me dat shovel.'
YouTube - FAMILY GUY - Bird is the Word!
A chap is cleaning his pistol at the table when it accidentally goes off, killing his wife.
He dials 999 and tells the operator what's happened.
"First you have to make sure she's dead", says the operator.
Click.........BANG
"OK, now what"?
When my Doctor asked me about what I did yesterday, I told him about my day:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a deep lake, barely escaped from a fox in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and barely escaped jumping away from an aggressive rattlesnake."
Inspired by my story, the Doctor said, "You must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
FIFA have dropped the charges against the guy that went into the England dressing room.
Apperently he was let in by Rob Green
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