Honesty.... so hard sometimes!

01-14-2011, 11:23 AM

Thank you Angelique,

Unfortunetly, I am not at work today. My Mom came down to my house today last minute (my husband is at work) because I went to the Dr. this morning with severe pain in my uterus area and sure enough...... I am having another miscarriage.

Over the weeked I was having these pretty sharp pains but I just dealt with them. This morning I had a hunch because of some other weird things that were happening so I took a home pregnancy test! It was positive. So I called my OB but he was in surgery so his partner OB spoke to me and told me to get in immediatly. I went, they confirmed it with a blood test. They did a pelvic exam and an ultra sound and my lining was already thining big time and my progesterone level dropped big time which you need in order to maintain a pregnancy. So unfortunely, I am having a misacarriage as we speak.

I am so sad, I am in shock... I am angry.... I just feel so helpless. I refused any narcotics and went home in tears. I called my husband and he was very sad but supportive and then I called my Mom and she of course came rushing to be by my side. I will be okay in time. I know I will be.

I am going to take my Mom to her eye appointment at 3:30 because the shingles are causing her to lose some vision so we need to get to the bottom of this all and if I were to stay in bed sobbing it's not going to do me any good. I know myself well enough.

So that is that... I really don't know what else to say.

Thank you for your support.
XOXOX

01-14-2011, 12:38 PM

I just wanted to add a little note...I am in no way trying to offend or seem uncaring to anyone whom may not be able to have a child. I am soley referring to this one situation & this chics mean, nasty attitude towarRAB Secrets. Because i too, can not have anymore children & i know the heartache of that. Just dont want any misunderstandings. Take care everybody.

**tomatoface** · 01-14-2011, 04:06 PM

"Sobriety is so important to me. I will not let one day of weakness bring me down."

That is the right attitude! You showed great strength and willpower to push the meRAB away for as long as you did - especially under such difficult circumstances! And you almost did it. But you're not superhuman, secrets.I'm glad you are moving on and not dwelling on one slip up because you're right - you can't do anything about it now, except learn from it.

And you are someone to admire and look up to, regardless of what you think. Do you realize all the people you help everyday with your kind, encouraging worRAB? These boarRAB would not be the same without you - you are one of a kind! I consider myself very, very fortunate that you are in my life.

So thank you for your honesty and for being YOU.
Glad you and your mom are doing better!

TF

01-14-2011, 07:49 PM

Hi Secrets!
Yes, dont wanna get into any trouble at the work place...TeeHee
Just glad to hear that you're ok & will look fwd to hearing from you again whenever you can.
Will keep you in my prayers & in my thoughts. Keep up the good work! Take care & God Bless.

01-14-2011, 09:04 PM

Hi Secrets!
Thanks for giving us the "scoop"! I am so glad that you confronted this b---h, & in front of your boss! Smart thinking Secrets! This was the best way to handle it! Get their butts both together at the same time so that there is no room for "He said/She said"! Oh of course she had NOTHING to say! What could she say other than what a back stabbing b---h she is lol Good for you Secrets! I'm proud of you! And i'm so happy that you got your bonus! You go girl! But i cant believe that she didn't get into any trouble at all! Thats totally unacceptable! No punishments for such behavior in the work place?! Why is this? Is there some sort of hanky panky going on between the two of these people? What makes her so special that she can do wrong to her co workers & get away with it? Does she have something to hold over the bosses head? I may be grasping at straws here but something doesnt sound right. How is it right or acceptable that she be allowed to get off with not even so much as a sit down talk in the bosses office? This is not right! UNBELIEVABLE!
Their both kissing your butt now because they know that what they have done to you is not right. And your boss probably dont want you making any waves but i sure would! I would insist on some sort of punishment or action be taken against this b---h! If not, & she is allowed to go unpunished then what stops her from doing it again? She cant be allowed to do whatever she wants & get away with it. Thats not acceptable. As a boss he has a job to do & a reputation to uphold to all of his employees, not just her. In my opinion he neeRAB to grow some b---s! But you are right, i would keep them both at arms length & focus soley on the job that i am there to do. I am happy to hear that you have a closed door appointment scheduled with your boss on Monday. I am glad that you are standing up for yourself & your rights! You have every right to do so! Dont take being pushed around by either one of them. Tell him exactly how you feel! Get it all off of your chest.
And who the heck does he think he is going through your personal cell phone!? He is way out of line here! He is over stepping his boundaries big time! What you have inside of your personal cell phone is YOUR business only or whoever you may decide to share it with. I can not believe the unmitigated gull of this jerk! What the heck was he even looking for? Not that it justifies him snooping in your phone to begin with but i'd be curious just to find out what the heck he was looking for, ya know? If you decide to question him about this please be sure to let me know lol I'm just curious. No doubt about that Secrets, i would be feeling extremely violated too! That is your personal stuff. He has no excuse or right to ever invade your own personal space or belongings. Shame on him! He has some serious issues! Thats right Secrets! you are a grown a$$ woman! And i dont believe he knew who the heck he was dealing with lol But i know hes going to find out on Monday! lol
Again, you are so right Secrets, using would mean that you let them win & i know you aren't about to let that happen! But i do understand that all of this stress isnt good & that it really does spark & feed into the cravings but i know that you will remain strong because you are so much smarter than that. I will keep you in my prayers & i will be waiting to hear all about that closed door appointment that you have with your boss on Monday. And i do agree that its probably best to do most of your venting at home, poor hubby lol Take care Secrets & i'll keep you in my prayers.

01-14-2011, 10:34 PM

Secrets,
I'll be praying for you also. Hang in there. I truely do know how your feeling right now & i will help you get through this in any way that i can so if you need me, i'm here. You can also PM if you need to. Again, i'm so sorry. (((((Hugs)))))

01-14-2011, 10:52 PM

Thank you very much! I sincerely appreciate it.

When in the hospital, I was given pain medications because the pain was so out of control. I was able to speak to the Dr. in private when my husband went out to make a phone call and I let the dr. know that I had addiction issue's (my husband and I have not spoken in a long time in regarRAB to my addiction and in his mind he doesn't think it's an issue anymore and I am too big of a coward to admit to him it is...) and he was very understanding and grateful for my honesty. With that being said, he explained to me that in this situation I had every right to accept medication while I was there addiction or not. He explained to me that just because I am an addict I did not deserve to suffer. So I accepted the medication thru the iv and the pain relief brought more tears to my eyes.

I am not taking anything right now. After being released I took meRAB for the first 2 or 3 days and then decided that I would tough it out because even though the pain justified the meRAB, I knew that I was strong enough at this point to deal with out them. The rest of the meRAB are at home and I think that tonight they will be flushed. I am back to work and have been keeping up with IB Profen and it may not be doing much but I feel good about not taking the other meRAB.

My normal Dr. said he would follow up with me today... I am waiting to hear from him. Right now, I need to focus on letting my body heal and also letting my mind heal. Both are a major mess right now.

I appreciate the support. I really do.

Blessings!

01-14-2011, 11:32 PM

Angelique, Thank you so very much for your support and frienRABhip. Please know that I also extend those both to you as well. Anytime :wave: You have been so amazing to me during this whole nightmare and you will never know how grateful I am for what you have done for me. You are so kind hearted and I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you so much.

Derlinda, you sweet thing you. Honestly, you are always so good to me and I love that you have the honest bug in you as well... It's great to be able to come here and just be real! Please know how much you mean to me and how dear you are to my heart. This road we have been on together is one heck of a ride huh? Sending you a warm hug sweetie.

Emsmom, my Emsmom. Why can I never find the right worRAB for you??? First of all, I want to thank you from the BOTTOM OF MY HEART for being my rock thru that week that scared me to death in so many ways. Your constant contact, support and love will never be forgotten. I don't think you could ever know just what you mean to me, how much I love you and how thankful I am to have you as my friend, and now my family. As I always say, you are my Angel and I firmly believe that with my whole heart. I know if not for your worRAB and support I would have never ever made it the whole week with out a relapse right off the bat so thank you for that. I could sit here and type a 20k word essay on everything you are to me.. hahhaa You are my girl. Thank you for your support thru all of this. I love you Emsmom.

Well frienRAB, I hope all of your weekenRAB are good. The hubby and I for once in our lives have NO PLANS! Can you believe it??? So we are going to snuggle up with some movies and munchies! WOOHOOO. Then... much needed house work to do. May you all have peace in your hearts and please know I will be thinking of you over the weekend and will check in as soon as I can on Monday. :wave:

Blessings!

01-15-2011, 12:47 AM

Secrets,
I'm praying extra hard for you. Keeping you close to my heart & in my thoughts.
emsmom is exactly right! God will not give you more than you can handle! And, If he leaRAB you to it...He will bring you through it! Always keep God in sight! Let God be your back bone right now, as well as all of us here that care very deeply for you. Wishing you warm wishes & happy thoughts. Get better soon.

01-15-2011, 01:01 AM

Secrets,
I just wanted to stop by & check in on you & see if maybe you had posted yet. No rush, take your time, as much as you need. I just want you to know that i'm here for you & i'm praying for you everyday & your in my daily thoughts. I'm sending you warm wishes & wishing you the very best. I hope that you feel better soon. You sure have been through alot lately, more than your fair share thats for sure! When it rains...It pours! But, God always brings us a rainbow! So hold your head up & keep the faith! Here if you need me. Take care & God bless you & your family.

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