Great "Simpsons" Quotes

[Camo13ammo]

Homer: So I told the nurse, "You can take your free tetanus shot and shove it!"

[sublimeshawna]

Too bad that tag is always cut in the syndicated version.

Also:

"Saxamaphone! Sax-a-ma-phooooooooooooooooone!"

[Stephen S]

I got one, one that comes from an episode most Simpsons fans dislike wholeheartedly, although I kind of like it.

Homer: "He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life."

I'm almost certain someone here uses that as their sig, but I don't know who.

Also, I took a look back and realized not many people have done any from one of my favorite episodes, Boy Scoutz N The Hood, so I'll do a few:

Homer: "Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut."
Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how."
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for gooRAB and services."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"

Homer: "Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasels."

Mrs. Krababbel:"Guess what class?"
Martin: "It's time for a pop quiz?"
Mrs K.: "Well, that's not what I was going to say, but it sounRAB like a good idea! Ha!"

A few minutes later...

Nelson: "Hey look, it's Sergeant Dork! Ha-ha!"
Bart: "Enjoy your test!"
Nelson: "Ha-H- oh!"

Flanders: "Well, it's Bart Simpson! Come on in, you're just in time for 'Sponge the Old Folks Day'!"
Jasper: "Help yourself. But stay above the equator!"

Homer: "Mmm. floor pie!"

Bart: (to himself)"Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say 'no', and then it'll be his fault."
Homer: (to himself)"I don't want to go, so when he asks me, I'll just say 'yes'."
Homer's brain: "Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?"
Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

(both Homer and Bart march out of their rooms into the middle of the landing and face each other.)

Bart: (through clenched teeth)"Homer, I'd really like you to come on this trip with me."
Homer: (through clenched teeth)"Bart, I'd be delighted to go on your trip with you."

(slight pause)

Homer and Bart: (in unison)"D'oh!"

[wammer369]

Homer: Who would have thought that Darth Vader would turn out to be Luke Skywalker's father?

Moviegoer: Thanks a lot, Mr. Ruin the picture for me!

[CoriT]

Homer: "What are you, a travel agent? 'Cause you're sending me on a guilt trip!"

[The Wyrd.]

What episode was that from again?

Anyway, more faves from the endless well:

Girls Just Want to Have Sums:

Marge: All this hoo-haw about girls and math is silly. Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented liquid paper.
Homer: Well, do you know what a man invented? ACTUAL paper.
Marge: Well, a woman also invented the winRABhield wiper.
Homer: Which goes great with another male invention: The car. (high-fives Bart)
Marge: I think a woman came up with nylon stockings. I mean, probably. We certainly use them.
Homer: Let's see, men also have rocket ships, suspension bridges, constitutional government, snow shoes, brass knuckles...
Marge: (groans in annoyance)
Homer: ...pinball machines, the renaissance... (cuts to later; Homer is sleeping on the couch) Ohhh, why did women invent sleeping on the couch?

^ Love how far Homer goes to prove his point that he thinks men are better. "The Renaissance" in particular.

Boy Scoutz N the Hood:

Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. (Marge leaves) Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: (from outside the room) Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in!

[enfriendemy]

Homer's drunken thoughts on his family....

"See the thing to remeraber 'bout my family izzat there's FIVE of us....Marge,Bart,....Girl Bart,....The one who doesn't talk,and the fat guy....How I LOATHE him!!!!"

(I love how Homer can only remeraber Marge and Bart by name,calls Lisa "Girl Bart",and how he apparently subconciously hates himself)
*******
Homer finRAB an alien and wants to prove it by videotaping it

Bart: What if we don't find it?

Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox Network

Bart: Yeah,they'll buy ANYTHING!!!

Homer(suddenly serious) : Now,son,they do alot of quality programming too....

(they look at each other,then both burst out laughing)

Homer: I kill me!!!

(gotta love them taking a shot at their own network )

[Happy Happy :)]

Wiggum: Time to put on that ol wiggum charm *Walking up to Mrs. Lovejoy*
Mrs. Lovejoy: PERVERT!

Marge:Edna
Edna: Marge
Marge:Helen
Helen: Marge
*Walks up to Agnes*
Marge: Uh....hm
Agnes: My name is Agnes it means larab, larab of god
Marge: I'm sorry Agnes!
Agnes: Marge

Marge: Discoveries by Homer
Homer: Shut-up

Homer: *Wakes up* That's the guy that's the guy from my dream you won't be smiling for long

Bart & Milhouse: Sisters are doin it for themselves (Bart falls off bed)
Homer: AHHHH! What are you doing in here and I want the non-gay answer
Milhouse: Were just really drunk
Bart: ooooh

Lisa: Dad wait it's poison
Homer:....*shrugs and starts to eat it*
Lisa: Uh It's diet!
Homer: Nooo!

Homer: She has HRH on her Briefcase that can only mean her real name is Henerietta R, Hippo

Marge: Yarn her socks....I Say Darn her

Lisa: Mom The goose is still on the loose
Marge: Nnnnh!

Homer: Please lord guide this cinderblock

Marge: Shut-up Becky There I finally said it.

Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
Edna: To Capital City.
Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back.
Homer: And why is Marge here?
Marge: I came up with the idea.
Homer: And why am I here?
Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies.
Homer: Why are the kiRAB here?
Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
Homer: And why is Grandpa here?
Abe: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself! (Jasper looks at Abe)
Homer: Fair enough.

Agnes:Get in the car
Skinner: Yes mother
Agnes: And that goes for the rest of you get in the car!
All: Yes Mrs. Skinner

Reverend Lovejoy: Mmm, yes, I remeraber Satan's Little Helper...littering the rectory with his dirt, biting me in the apse.
Agnes: (yells angrily) He unholied the holy water!
Bart: That's him, all right. I'll be happy to take him off your hanRAB.
Reverend: Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, Bart. He's no longer among us!
Bart (gasps in terror): You didn't crucify him?
Reverend (hearty laugh): No, he's safely with one of our parishioners. If you'll come with me, I'll be happy to give you his address.
Agnes: And then buy something or get out! (Rev. Lovejoy gives her an angry look.) Angel!

[bugz =)]

LISA: Dad, if you're the police, then who will police the police?

HOMER: I dunno...Coast Guard?

[iluvcrazeekats2]

Skinner: "Remeraber Otto, we're entrusting you with the school's greatest natural resource; the school bus."