Grooms mother wants to help bridesmaids get ready?

**Jeffrey B** · 09-30-2009, 04:07 AM

I will be getting married this Saturday. My mother (grooms mom) wants to help the bridesmaids get ready before the wedding. Basically my sister and my 2 nieces. My fiance says that she can not be there and that will make her mon feel like my mom is stepping on her toes.
I told her that she just wants to be there and help out with my nieces and sister. I feel that there is some kind of aggression to my mother from my fiance in the past weeks. What are the traditions for the grooms mother?

**M L** · 09-30-2009, 04:09 AM

Well I think this is ridiculous. There is absolutely no reason your mother should not be allowed to help. How does your bride think your mother is stepping on her mother's toes? Personally, when my daughter's wedding day gets here, I'll be thrilled if the groom's mother wants to help. Besides, like your mother, she too will have family members in the bride's party. An extra set of a mother's loving hands could never be a bad thing. Shame on your bride (and possibly her mother?) for acting this way towards your mother!
You need to get this issue settled now, don't wait until the rehearsal dinner or Saturday morning. It is your wedding too, bride's seem to forget that, they think it is all about them. We occasionally have to remind our mini-bridezilla she's crossing the line! Now you need to tell yours she's gone too far, your mother will be assisting with your sister and your nieces and she will be treated respectfully. After all, she is your mother, and without her, there would be no you. She also would be more than glad to help with any one else who might need her assistance that day.
Good luck, I hope this all works out. It would be such a sad thing for your mother to feel left out. This is a special day for her too and maybe your bride just hasn't thought to see this from the other side.

09-30-2009, 04:09 AM

That's such a shame that your fiance has to be like that. My mother-in-law was with me, all the bridesmaids, my mother and my grandmother helping us all get ready. My husband's aunt was also in attendance. I'm not sure of what are typical traditions for mother of the groom since my MIL was with me the whole time but I certainly hope for you and your mother that this is not a sign of what's to come.

**fizzy stuff** · 09-30-2009, 04:13 AM

Understand that some brides dont want an entourage in the room when they get ready. Getting ready for your wedding is a very special time, but it is filled with anxiety. Having extra people in the room, even if they are people you love, can make it stressful.

This is not necessarily a slight against your mother. I think a good compromise would be that your mother stops by for a few minutes to ooh and ahh over everyones dress just before they leave for the ceremony. I think you should tell your mother that the bride simply needs less people in the room to stay serene; it would be great if she would stop by briefly.

Has your mother been included in other wedding things? If so, then please let this go. Its not the biggest thing in the world. There are other ways that your fiance can include your mother and make her feel a part of things. If your mom is making a big deal of it, then I think she is overreacting and looking for attention.

My mother in law was not present. Even my own mother wasnt present while I got ready, but she did stop by to see how I looked. My sister and two friends (who were not bridesmaids but attended the wedding) were there when I put on my dress. I really didnt want a big production of it, and that helped calm me and let me stay focused on the wedding that was about to happen.

Sorry my answer was so long. I just disagree with most of the other answers here.

**heather** · 09-30-2009, 04:15 AM

Your mother should be welcomed especially since your sister and two nieces are going to be there. Your fiancee needs to calm down! Her mother will be helping HER get ready so I don't think your mom will be stepping on any toes. I'm sure your sister and nieces would appreciate your mother being there to assist them especially if your nieces are pretty young.

She needs to stop being a bridezilla! This is YOUR wedding day, too, and it is just as important to your mother as it is to her mother.

**heather** · 09-30-2009, 04:15 AM

Your mother should be welcomed especially since your sister and two nieces are going to be there. Your fiancee needs to calm down! Her mother will be helping HER get ready so I don't think your mom will be stepping on any toes. I'm sure your sister and nieces would appreciate your mother being there to assist them especially if your nieces are pretty young.

She needs to stop being a bridezilla! This is YOUR wedding day, too, and it is just as important to your mother as it is to her mother.

**Spindrift** · 09-30-2009, 04:15 AM

Uh oh not good. You need to talk to your fiance and TELL her (not ask) that your mother is every bit as welcome as HER mother. You need to establish this now before you get married otherwise she will feel she can treat your mother badly whenever she wants, and don't fall for that nervous bride BS, she sounds like a b*tch. You need to think twice before you marry this woman, who knows how she will behave after the wedding when she has the security of the wedding ring on her finger...if she truly loved you she would be kind and warm toward your mom. RED FLAG beware.

09-30-2009, 04:15 AM

Wow she doesn't want her to help? Your fiance needs to understand - quickly - that you are about to become one whole family. Not two families. You are joining together in marriage. Your mom will become her mom. She should enjoy this time with her new family and come together in happiness. This is a happy time for you both. It's wonderful you have both of your parents excited about this and wanting to be a apart.
The tradition as far as I know is for the closest women to help if they aren't in the wedding. That should include your mom.
I'm sorry to hear about the situation. Try to calm Bridezilla down a few notches and maybe it will work out smoothly.

**heather** · 09-30-2009, 04:15 AM

Your mother should be welcomed especially since your sister and two nieces are going to be there. Your fiancee needs to calm down! Her mother will be helping HER get ready so I don't think your mom will be stepping on any toes. I'm sure your sister and nieces would appreciate your mother being there to assist them especially if your nieces are pretty young.

She needs to stop being a bridezilla! This is YOUR wedding day, too, and it is just as important to your mother as it is to her mother.

**nova_queen_28** · 09-30-2009, 04:15 AM

The "tradition" for the grooms mother is to show up at the wedding at the proper time. That's it. "traditionally" speaking - -that's about all the groom's family does other than throw the rehearsal dinner and pay for the alcohol at the wedding reception.

HOWEVER, these days brides should really be a little more open to the mother-of-the-groom and other family-in-law wanting to be involved and help with the wedding and its preparations. If it is that important to you, then maybe your sister and nieces should get ready for the wedding at another location with your mom so she can be involved with her family members without stepping on toes ...
Your fiance might pitch a fit, but it would be a nice compromise and let your mom feel included, too...