Read this (LOL)

[*Angel]

Some old jokes I found in a text file in one of my old and lost-since-1996 disks .

This year's "Arrogance in Marketting" Award...

.. goes to Microsoft. On pg. 5 of the DOS 6 manual:

"Upgrading from OS/2 to MS-DOS 6"

"I STILL REMENBER MY FATHER'S LAST WORDS",.......
"DON'T , SON , THAT GUN IS LOADED !"

What's the job title for Serbian military men?
Ethnic Sanitary Engineer.
-
What do you call a Bosnian woman who has been raped ten times?
Lucky.
-
Why did the Georgian grow a mustache?
He wanted to look like his mother,
-
What is the first thing a Georgian and his wife fight about in the morning?
Who will shave first.
-
Why aren't there any Georgian paratroopers?
It's forbidden to throw garbage out of a plane.
-
Why do the birds in Georgia fly around in circles?
They use one wing to cover their noses.
-
Two guys were sitting on a bench, the first guy looks at the second and says
" If you went camping overnight with someone and you woke up the next morning
with vasoline all over you buns and a sore *******, would you tell any one?"
The second thinks for a minute and replies " No, no I probably would'nt!" the
first guy, with a grin from ear to ear asks "Wanna go camping?"
-
Gorbachev's is longer than Bush's. Madonna doesn't have it. The
Pope has it but doesn't use much. What is it?
A surname.
-
How did god make puertoricans ?
He sandblasted ******s.
-
What do you get if you cross a Jew with a gypsy ?
A chain of empty stores.
-
Why do Iraquians smell so bad ?
So blind people can hate them as well.
-
Why wasn't jesus born in the U.S.A ?
Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
-
Why do Italians wear hats ?
To know which end to wipe.
-
Why did god give the ******s rythm ?
Compensation because he ****ed up their hair.
-
Whats the definition of a vicious circle ?
A **** with teeth.

Autumn is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colors
and fall from the trees.

In heaven
---------
The police are British, the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian and it's
all run by the Germans.

In hell
-------
The police are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are German and it's
all run by the Italians.

A friend of mine just informed me that you can now send e-mail to President
Clinton using the address [email protected]. Of course, I was a little
skeptical, since, after all, does the President *really* have time to read all
those emails? Of course not; but nonetheless, it's real! But I still think
he can't read all those. More likely, he has some staff people reading them
over, and they send him a summary at the end of the day. Here's what a
typical encapsulation of the day's email might look like.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary of Electronic Mail for [email protected]
June 2, 1993

TopicNumber
-------------------------------------------------
Bosnian conflict:

[cleebert]

Maximum massahe lenght s 25000 caracters I had to post in 2 parts .

Eleven reasons a cucumber is better than a man:
(1) Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in
the wet spot.
(2) Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
(3) You won't find out later that your cucumber (a) is married, (b) is on
penicillin, (c) likes you -- but loves your brother!
(4) A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
(5) A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
(6) Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".
(7) Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
(8) A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
(9) Cucumbers don't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
(10) Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
(11) With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.

A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which
they were certain was the Missing Link. The proof of their theory, though,
required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what
characteristics the progeny would take on. So they put an ad in the paper.
`$5000 to Mate with Ape.'
The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad and said
he'd be willing to be part of the experiment. `But,' he said, `I have
three conditions.'
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
`First - My wife must never know.'
Second - The children must be raised as Catholics.'
`Third - If I can pay in installments, I'm definitely interested.'
-
A blind man and his friend were walking along with the blind man's dog,
when the dog simply raised its leg and ****ed on the blind man's shoe.