Why has my soon to be ex husband returned to the woman who broke up our...

[shelly]

...marriage if it was just a fling? I was happily married for 13 years, since the age of 18, to a man who was 24. We are now 31 and 38 respectively so have grown together majorly.

We had a lovely marriage - no kids - until 2008. He met a woman at work, and to cut a long story short they dated for over a year. Apparently it was serious and all his friends - even some of his family! - knew about her. He paraded her around and referred to her as his girlfriend. I was the last to know.

When I found out in 2009, he begged me not to leave, and we carried on. I was deeply hurt but felt it right and easier to blame HER - she knew he was married. She contacted me to beg me to believe her that he had told her the marriage was dead and done - but I hung up on her and told her I'd get the cops on her.

We carried on but in the back of my mind, I could not get over that they had dated for SO long. Deep down I know he loved her, because I saw his messages to her, and they were out of this world - these two really seemed to have a connection, and it seemed he would do anything for her. He probably didn't leave me for her only because I threatened suicide, in fact.

In Jan this year I finally filed for divorce, even though we were going into the 2nd year of me finding out about the affair. I just could not live with him anymore. We are selling the house.

To my absolute horror, I have found out that he's gone running back to her - and really persistently. She was the first person he ran to and could not wait to tell her he's soon to be single. I gather she has told him that she'll only be with him if he's serious (no F*** buddies). Apparently he is all over her and waits outside her work for her everyday, and they talk on the phone all the time.

What the hell is he doing going back to her, when he SWORE to me when I discovered the affair that he didn't have any feelings for her?
@Jacqueline Hang - he isn't cheating on me - we're nearly officially divorced and have been living apart for 4 months. I am just trying to make sense of all this.

[Ice Cream]

sorry to tell you he still likes her.

[Kittysue]

A man caught having an affair will ALWAYS tell his wife it was just a "fling" and there were "no feelings" -- that's a typical line that almost every cheater will use. It's a lie. He had feelings for her - that's why HE broke his marriage vows. And that's why he is with her now

He was playing both of you - every cheater does this

[?sophia?]

What is it to you, you're getting divorced from him..?

[Poopsie Mellish]

2 words DIVORCE ATTORNEY! By the time he has to pay she will get sick of eating at McDonalds!

[Jacqueline Hang]

I think he's living in two worlds here. Maybe he just doesn't know what he wants, but it's definitely not right for him to be cheating on you. I know it's been a long time, but when someone is unfaithful and they do it again, chances are they'll do it the third time.

[yahoo user]

If he was cheating with you, then he would do the same thing to you...You know how sh!!t is when your trying to impress--far different than when your married----give them soem time the new will wear off and their relationship will fall----you can NOT have 2 people who have very little morals come together and everything stay good----one will break and the other will be cheated on.

Been there, done that count write 37 books on cheating. Never had a relationship that i aint cheating in--it's really not about YOU---it's really about you marrying a very selfish man who feels like his needs/wants are going to take center stage to anything--including the marriage.

[Matthew V]

sad to say he like.s her more that.s a fact

[Yer Bay]

you're divorcing him.
move on.
let him be.
what do you care.
start your own life with out him.
is it really worth it to dwell on it?
what product thing can come out of you obseessing over it?

[Crystal]

He lied to you about it.
He knew if he told you he
Had feelings for her that
You would be even more mad.

I believe it when the other woman
Said he told her the marriage was dead.

And even if she knew about your marriage
To him, she didn't have an obligation to
Stay faithful to you.
He did.
It was his fault.

No man continues a "fling"
For that long with another woman
Unless there are strong
Emotions involved.

Which there were cause he went running
Back to her.

He just lied to you.

But you deserve better.
Move on once and for all and find
A real man who will treat you right.