My husband and I have been married for 20 months, and we have our ups and downs like most marriages, lately I have been trying to get my husband to see the importance of sex in our marriage, I have told him that lack of sex and/or intimacy can cause some major problems in relationships and that I do not understand why he doesn't want sex from me, and he comes up with every excuse in the book, (1) We had an argument a couple of days ago and he is still bothered, (2) He was working and is now tired (3) He had to do something on the computer ,etc,
I have asked him is he having an affair or thinking of someone else and he always says no and I have told him that if he isn't desiring me, then he has to be desiring someone else. And I would accept the working and being tired when he comes home, if he didn't come home, go straight to the computer and play star trek for a couple of hours. He then told me that the way sex is initiated is boring and brings up the things I use to do but the fact is that I have gotten tired of initiating things and receiving nothing in return, example I have given him oral as recent as yesterday and haven't received it from him in over 2 months.
His idea of initiating sex is me laying there reading or watching tv and him just asking me out of the blue if I want sex, no foreplay, no conversation, no intimacy, nothing,
I told him that I feel like a woman off the street he is getting a quickie from and I find myself doing it now out of obligation and I am starting to feel bitter at him for it. This lack of intimacy both sexual and emotional from him has me doing things I have never done such as looking at myself in the mirror and pointing out things that never bothered me before, maybe I should lose this here, gain that there, etc.(although he claims I am still sexy in his eyes and he is very much sexual attracted to me) I mean I understand we have argued but when we both apologize and say we forgive each other I really mean it, and feel we should move on. I Love him dearly, but I find myself now becoming emotionally drawn from him and distrusting of him, mainly because the times we do have sex, he does things I have never seen him do before which I asked him about and he has literally avoided the question by pretending to be sleep.
And I know I shouldn't feel like this and I don't want to, I can't talk to him anymore about this because all he says is not this again and when I say to him that if I keep bringing it up to him constantly then something needs to change, and he walks away.
Also I have asked him is there something I am not doing for him that he wants me to change, and he doesn't really answer the question, frankly I am at my wits end, and am at a complete lost about this, am I in the wrong, can things be fixed?
For the record I am no where near fat, I have 4 kids, no stretch marks, I weigh 120 and I am 5ft5.
And please if you don't even have the common sense to read the whole question please ignore the question.
My 4 children are from a previous relationship that I was in, and yes I have only girls. And no I do not provoke arguments, how can me asking a simple question lead to a foolish argument I don't understand.