So, I have this friend. He's a great friend in all, despite him being bipolar. He never gets mad, just really really depressed. So naturally my instincts kicked in and I put aside all my wishes and what I wanted and tried to make him happy 99.9% of the time. I guess I over did it because now he wants to go out with me. I was fine and happy with being his best friend, but now it's gone to far... One night when I was tired I said some things to make him happy.. I know I shouldn't of but I didn't know what else to say. We can never have a normal conversation.. EVER. I don't ever know what to say to him and I barley ever talk. He wants me to talk and I'd like to talk to him but it's just so awkward and I feel so stressed. The problem is, I don't want to break up with him because it would kill him inside. That would also mean that everything I said was a lie and it wasn't.. at the time anyway. I've never wanted a boyfriend or children or to get married, actually, my dream was to die alone and happy... With a couple of friends of course. It's either his happiness or mine.. at this point, his happiness seems more important.. I'm not the one that wants to commit suicide.


P.S. Is there a reason why I can NEVER think of anything to say?? I mean, I want to talk.. but I just can't.