my first attempt at poetry. comments suggestions appreciated?

[Renate]

I agree with Stevo - mind you, it is beautiful! I would just get a rhyme scheme going and also change the third to last line (benevolent attempts to renew) though you have used some great choices of words, I would say it has too many sylables....
<3 great poem tho!

[Life, Liberty, Happiness]

This is a very good first poem. Keep up the good work. You will find writing poetry will help get all those angry hurt feelings out. One thing I noticed was in the seventh line, although it may be a Freudian slip, as you may feel wounded. But did you mean wander? Good job.

PS I hope you find true love!

[Victoria.C]

I love it.
Its very good for a first poem...
-it so depressing and emontional yet so descriptive.

keep it up

[Just Human]

First thing about writing poetry, understand poems don't have to rhyme.

[anonymous]

Your poem doesn't need to rhyme. Rhymes are chains that keep your poem imprisoned and keep your words from flowing freely. Plus they're a little elementary. I would say no rhymes at all.

[strine strumpet]

Awww, that's sad. Somebody needs a hug and I need a bourbon. xo

[SIN]

you have a rhyme scheme, I would suggest working on meter. Nice job here, keep writing!

[Krishna]

Imagine
there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
Your POME is so depressing
It's gonna make me cry
So hand me my lager
And a bowl of pretzels too
The next time you write such stuff
I'm going to the ZOO!!
***