Thread: Your Horoscope

ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a f*ck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of p!ss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real f*cking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullsh!tting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an @sshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered c**t and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

NOOOOO!!! I cannot be murdered, there is so much money still to be made.....I need to get a bodyguard.....Where's that Damn Cell Phone??

I'm Libra, I think I got off lightly.

I'm a sagittarius, where are my dutch gurls?

cheers!

Another Libran here. I don't really care who's at my funeral anyway.

The only time I don't wear underwear is when I'm cycling!!!

The rest - no comment.

"I like small animals!" (Scorpio)

What's wrong with being an unscrupulous bastard anyway?

VIRGO
and the majority of Virgo women are *****s.

Let's see.... 5 letters across.....

Gotta be... Lovers. ; )

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.


this is really sad as I am sitting here with a cat in my lap. :O
someone needs to make horoscopes for Bikers.

Dont bike with a libra today because they will push you into a tree. something like that.

Hey. that's not a bad idea. Biker Horoscopes.

you know. Lance is a vIrgo.