For published writers plz give me advice! I wrote a query letter.?

[Jane]

(What do you think of my query letter? If there is something wrong tell me how to make it better)

Heading in the middle of the page at about 16 font.

(My whole name)
(Address)
(City and state)
(zipcode)
(phone number)


Johnson Brothers Literary Agency
Atten: Mr. (first and last name)

Mr. _______

I'm querying your agency in an attempt to gain representation for my novel, There's A Time To Live. My manuscript is approximately ___ pages and __ words in Industry Standard Format. No other representation or queries have been sent regarding my project.

Caught in a depression she cannot escape, after her grandfather's death, Jean heads to the Philippines for a winter vacation. Desperate to for a change, she visits her immoral best friend Catherine. In an attempt to fill the emptiness of her soul, Jean immerses herself into Catherine's wild world. Failing to stay true to her values, she attends parties which are dominated by drugs and reckless behavior. Over time, Jean begins to admire Catherine's lack of emotion and tough girl attitude, characteristics Jean lacks.

Her loyalty is tested as relationships become more passionate than she could ever have imagined. Playing with fire, she makes an agonizing decision between the man she wants, Johnny the perfect man and the man she needs, B the tough guy with a big heart. Just as Jean opens her heart to B their friendship evolves into a romantic one after he expresses his true feeling for her with a kiss. She realizes the love between them is more one sided and chooses Johnny, the apple of Catherine's eye. This is more than a love triangle, this is a love square and inside the boundaries of those four sides, friends and lovers clash. Eventually Catherine discovers the forbidden relationship with Johnny, causing a rift in their friendship, which drives Jean out of town by guilt.

She continues to do what she originally intended to, go to Manila to visit her grandfather's grave to have find closure. Jean finds more then his grave, she finds out a secret that will change everything she had ever believed. Her grandfather is alive and hiding. Why was he hiding? And is she in danger since discovering the cover up?

Thank you in advance for the opportunity to submit my query. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely,
(whole name)

[AeRicks]

I'm going to go ahead and bet that you're getting rejected as soon as they start reading your summary. There are a lot of problems with it.
-The flow sucks. You use almost the exact same opener for every single sentence that makes the entire thing feel redundant.
-You have basic errors in there like unnecessary words. It's as if you didn't even take the time to reread it.
-You have fundamental errors, such as redundancies, that suggest you're not a good enough writer to be published.
-You have grammatical errors. Seriously? Grammatical errors.
-Your plot feels like two books thrown randomly together that just don't even fit.

I think you need to take a serious look at whether or not you're even ready to be published, because based off this, you certainly aren't.