Mother in law driving me crazy about baby! any advice?

03-20-2009, 02:19 PM

It all started last year when my husband and I had our first child a gorgeous baby girl, it seems that she does not recognise the fact that I am my daughters mother, carried her for 9 months, gave birth to her and take care of her night and day also!
Whenever she is around her all she can talk about is how she looks like my husband, how she is just like my husbands sister in her personality (my husbands sister doesnt even live in England anymore and has only met her once!).
She also goes on and on about how I dont get a look in as our daughter is such a daddys girl, and loves her daddy so so much, telling anyone that will listen, I will stick up for myself but it falls on deaf ears!
My husband says I am overreacting, refuses to speak to her about it.
We all get on very well, its just driving me crazy how I am excluded from my daughters life in her mind.
Anyone else have these problems?

**Filipino_Jalapeno** · 03-20-2009, 02:20 PM

Haha. You are a proud mother and she is a proud grandmother! Whenever I take my son to his fathers family they all says how much he is like his dad, yet when I take him to mine they say the same thing!

When my son's grandmother (not my mother) says all that I just say yeah to everything. She also thinks I'm incapable as a mother and I just say yeah yeah yeah to all that stuff as well. I think all mother in laws are like this, especially if it is the first grandchild! She will always be this way but with time it will ease up.

03-20-2009, 02:29 PM

My mum says that my nan (dad's mum) used to think she was my mum.If i cried she would see to me pushing my mum out the way in the process.She undermined my mum all the time and made her feel like she wasn't a good mum. One day my nan couldn't visit as she was unwell (she was round 24-7) i turned out she couldn't visit for a few weeks (much to my mum's Relief) but she called everyday asking what have i eaten,what was i wearing etc etc,the same questions everyday so my mum just said "same as yesterday" to every question.It soon stoped and my mum got on with being the brilliant mum she is. My mum wasn't imagining it my nan told me she looked upon me as her own.

03-20-2009, 02:30 PM

i would let it go over my head if i were you. when my kids were little everyone who knew his dad said how alike they were, but people who only knew me thought he was just like me! she is just latching on to things she recognises. the daddys girl thing is just her saying she thinks her son is a good daddy. let it go, if you make a fuss you will probably regret it. be happy that your baby has such doting grandparents. the more love the better.

03-20-2009, 02:30 PM

Wow! That is rough. is she ok with other things?

I have a couple of theories with MIL's and grandkids.

1) Especially when it is the son's child as every girl needs their mum and relies on their mum more than the MIL. She feels a bit left out.

2) MIL was her sons most important female for a long time. Then you "replaced" her as the most, and now he has a daughter which pushes her further down the list. Again, she is feeling insecure in her relationship with her son.

3) She is just damned proud of her (first?) grandchild and is desperate.

I didn't have drama's but my first son was very much like my side of the family and everyone said so. When #2 was born, she was desperate for him to look like her family and went to great lengths to tell everyone that he did! Both boys could have been twins born 2 and a half years apart they were so alike for the first 6 months!!

I am not sure how you can stop it as you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place and it would seem your other half does not want to rock the boat. Depending on your relationship, maybe by just explaining to her how much her comments hurt you and whether what she says is the truth or not, you do not need to keep hearing it day after day. She may be a little hurt, but she needs to put her feelings aside for a while for the sake of her realtionship with all of you. There may come a time when you just blow up at her and the damage will be irreversable.

Good luck!!