here are some of my faveorite jokes.........

A duck walks in store and says
“ Ya got any grapes?”
The store clerk says “No we’re a convenience store we don’t sell grapes.”
Next day, the duck comes back and says
“ Ya got any grapes?”
The store clerk says
“No. we’re a convenience store we don’t sell grapes.”
The 3rd day the duck comes back and says (guess what…)
“ Ya got any grapes?”
The store clerk says
“Look I told you the 1st and 2nd time you came here that we don’t sell grapes!!! Now if you come in here asking me that one more time I'm gonna nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!!”
Next day the duck comes back and says
“ Ya’ got any nails?”
“No” says the clerk
“Good! Ya’ got any grapes??!!”

How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him off the mountain.

How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him off the mountain.
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"