Okay, So... I am trying to become an author... tell me teens (or moms), would you read..

[Samantha C]

...a book about...? A little romance, but it is more about a girl trying to overcome her fears and tell her god-mom (real mom died... whole family died) what is really going through her mind...

here is a little of the story...

"Sarah, dear, try and get your stuff together, we have to go to the gravesite today," said Sarah's God-mom, Clarice.

Sarah sits on her mattress. Crying. Not knowing what could happen next. She says, "Okay. But wait, Clarice, I have to tell you something..."

Clarice just nods and says, "You can tell me later."




So... as teens or adults, would you read this? Oh sarah is a 18 year old girl trying to get herself into college.
Okay. I will add more... Okay?
this would come from the first page

Everything is surprising Sarah this week. Her best friend, Ashley, moved to New Mexico today, and she sits in Rhode Island! Sadly, her mother passed away yesterday, along with her father, little brother, and grandmom. On the plus side, she got into her dream college. But with what money? She will be attending Philidelphia University. Yesterday, as she was unpacking her stuff, she surely was completely surprised and stunned to find an old, ancient picture of her family. Sarah's mom was holding her in her arms. Sarah closed my eyes.She thinks, I wish I could see her just one more time. But all she can remember is the phone call. All she can picture is from when she had to go to the hospital to say, "Yes, that is my family." Sarah sits, and hopes that her god-mom will stay safe. But, as she has learned, everything is possible. She is scared as can be, but is keeping her head high, and staying bold and brave.
Coolcat, they did die in a accident. And, i will do that. thanks for the advice
lol henry, thanks for your honesty... i will try and make a more action packed one! lol :P

[Amilah(:]

Something i would pick up and read

try adding something exciting and fun! try leaving a cliff-hanger which leads to the other book! and then, the last book should reveal the whole secret that was throughout the whole series!

:]

[Tayler]

I am a HUGE book reader. And just reading the tiny bit you left in the description, I am already hooked. Let me know when this book will be in storse!!!!!

[gummy bear attack]

Yeah, definitely sounds interesting! Just make sure to include a lot of different things in there, like action and romance and dialog, which is pretty much what you're doing so far. Just make sure to keep up the diversity.

I'm a teen also and writing a story (not exactly a book), but I doubt I'll actually try to publish it.

EDIT:
I've got three pointers for you:
first of all, you should change "..she surely was completely surprised and stunned to find an old, ancient picture of her family" into just "surely" or just "completely", not both.

Second, you said "open my eyes" instead of "opened her eyes". And third, I think you should find some place in that paragraph to press 'enter' and make it into two paragraphs. Hope this helps!

[coolcat2239]

well it depends for how long will you make the book and you also need to be creative but i would read it but ALSO you should in the beginning of the book you should describe how Sarah looks and how they died. it would be nice if they died in a accident because it wouldnt be nice if they died in a murder or something just to tell you it might be creepy for some people. and my opinon on something is her fear could be about losing her god mother but who would Sarah like?

[jesi]

Well, I'm an 18 year old girl about to start college, and yes, it sounds like something I might read for fun.