Thread: I need some ice-breaker / one-liner jokes!!!?

Hello everyone!
my name is eric, and i first of all need some good icebreakers, and by this i mean, for example
-"how much does a polar bear weight?" ... "enough to break the ice" ... "hello my name is eric"

i need some more like this, if anyone knows any.

In addition, i am giving a speech about motivation, i am 16, and i talk about it with a group from my school. But heres the problem, the girl that goes before me is absolutely the most boring person ever, so what i was thinking was to spice my speech up with some one liners to wake the audience up. If you all could just write some down here, i mean good ones, not stupid ones that would be great... and purhaps relate them to motivation if possible thanks!

Knock Knock
(she says) who's there
(you say )hi my name is Eric

Considering your the way you responded to the person before me. I come to the conclusion that you're THE worst crowd in the history of civilization.
just kidding. But now that i have your attention. .

How hot do you think you are? Enough to melt the ice, hi my name is Eric...

Motivation is equal to Motive + Information. So i'd like to INFORM you that (the girl before you's) MOTIVE was to bore you all to death... So I guess that was MOTIVE-ATION...lmao

Sorry if I wasn't help but the worst that could happen is that I get my 2 points...

Its not really an opener but I thought it was funny. "Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package."

I'm going to give you a GREAT speech opener for that situation, and you give me points and stars
'Brains are marvelous things.... They start functioning before birth and don't stop until you get up to make a speech. (pause) Sometimes they need motivating, and that's what I'll be discussing"

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors??

Cause if it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan!!

haha, idk how that relates tho, lol