Thread: So.... I am training for THE BATTLE

good for you. scott

Hi Secrets, great advice from TaCot. Her method works. I use it all the time for all kinRAB of similar reasons.
I feel for you and the struggle you are having. I believe you can turn it around to your advantage.
As to what happened the last time you were at your mother's, I have a few questions and statements.
Do you feel like you taking the two pills made you stronger in your resolve to beat your habit?
If you are feeling shame, as you know that is not a helpful feeling, right?
Now, when you took them, did they give you the feeling you were expecting? I bet the answer is no.
So, why would you want to take them again?
The world is always going to have pills at your door or in your mother's purse.
I have them in my house as I write. I use them. NOT for pain, I do not ingest them.
I curse them and use them to remind me of how the addiction stole part of my life.
Weird, I know, it works for me. I am so pissed every time I see them. That's just me.
I have relapsed before,...big and just a couple of pills.
The last time I said, "what the hell?" these things suck!
They don't even compare to the wonderful high I have been experiencing since I quit using.
I have read your posts. You are in the right place with the right mind. AND you give.
Trust in what you know to be true and what you believe. Let your soul be your guide and you will be fine. Blessings and best wishes.

Thanks you guys! Scott, you are right! I only won that battle, I know there will be thousanRAB more ahead of me but that was a big one for me personally! And Don't worry, I am not going anywhere! This is my home away from home!

Emsmom,

Thank you for being so supportive and for everything you have helped me get thru and I know you are trying to gently persuade me to have the "talk" with my Mom but I just don't know if I could ever do it. It would break her heart into a million pieces and I NEVER would want to be the cause of hurting any of my family. This is something I am going to have to fight.. I am the one who got myself in it, I'm going to have to get myself out of it.... The person I am trying to gain the courage to tell is my husband because I know he would support me but I am so scared... I know it doesn't sound like a very good plan to most of you long timers but it's the best I can do right now. Each day at a time.... Thanks for caring so much!

You guys are all the greatest! I don't know what I would do without this board! I appreciate your support too IZZY'SMOM! Thank you!

I gotta get back to work but I am still fighting the good fight! Hope everyone is doing okay today!
XOXOXOOX

Thanks Scott! All the encouragement helps me so much! Makes me want to keep fghting. I feel proud and that helps wth the low self esteem I have been trying to work on.

So.... gosh forbid I ever just keep a post short... hahahhahahaha

THANK YOU! I appreciate your support and I wanted to tell you that I think it's so great you have become such an active meraber on the board! I love it!

Have a GREAT night! How are you holding up?

Ok, I know that is a goofy subject title but here is the deal. As many of you know.... I had my slip one month ago because I went on a trip with my Mom and she was organizing her pills and what not and I saw a bottle of... percocet... MY DOC... Anyways.. I slipped, I took 2. I stopped myself from a full on binge and became hard nosed at my recovery again.

Well, this weekend I am going to be visiting my Mother again and I know that bottle will be there and I know I will have a MASSIVE struggle on my hanRAB. I can't and refuse to tell my Mother of my addiction. I will not break her heart. I guess what I am looking for is some support and maybe some tough love???? I don't know.. Moral of the story.... I am scared but also confidant that I can fight this! However, I know the last time I saw that bottle I started shaking.. I need to prepare to face it and was wondering if any of you out that had anything that might string a cord with me.

Thanks you as always for listening to my rarabling. I appreciate ANY replies!

I hope everyone out there is doing great!
XOXOXOXOX

Secrets,

I think that's a wonderful plan! Somehow, someway, just inform your mother that you don't want to take any narcotics, and you'd appreciate if she put them away. Enough said - If she questions the inevitable "Why dear?" just tell her you're not comfortable having a strong medication around when you know you can do this with only Ibuprofen. Perhaps, tell her you don't want to be tempted to take Percocet, just to suppress the pain - tell her you want to be a trooper and "take one for the team"

I have faith in you! It's obvious you are somewhat concerned about having them at your disposal - so go, have a great weekend with your mom but always know (in the back of your head) that you're still early enough in your recovery, you must protect yourself and be vigilante

With love and hugs,
emsmom

Heya Secrets,

You're welcome! I can relate to not wanting to tell your mother about your addiction. I never intended for my parents to know, however it was my mom who approached my husband - she noticed I was acting different - they both started their own investigation and eventually took a look at my bank statement. In eight months, I'd taken over $10,000 cash-advance from my Visa. So, my husband approached me and said he "knew something was up and wanted me to spill it."

So, that's how my mom found out - I told her everything but only cause she already kinda knew. Let's face it, $10,000 in eight months? It's gotta be drugs unless I've been out getting a theraputic massage every day lol.

It did break my moms heart to find out her only daughter was addicted to pain pills. I'm 32 years old, but I'm still her little girl. My mom was and still is very supportive of my recovery however I still sometimes wish she hadn't found out. So I understand why you're reluctant to tell her. Who knows, maybe one day you will, maybe you never will. That's your decision and ultimately, it's you that has to make it.

Now, regarding your hubby - What "exactly" is stopping you from telling him? There's gotta be that "one intense reason" why you haven't spilled the beans. Let's start with that Think about it, then think about it again - Come back and let me/us know and we'll go from there. You said he would be supportive, and you are such a courageous woman so just remeraber that when you're considering having the talk with hubby.

Have a great day,
Love emsmom

hang in there scott life is good an better without drugs. its all an illusion:wave:

Update time! So.... HUGE change in plans. Got a call at work that my Grandma was rushed by the arabulance to the ER and that she was having a heart attack so I flew out of work like a bat out of hell (my mom's mom) My husband had a bag packed for me by the time I got home so I could head straight to the hospital. I got there, luckily she had no heart attack but there are some very severe heart issue's they are starting to find that they are not even to the bottom yet... Anyways, she is stable and hanging in there. I am so thankful for that. I am so close to her that I don't know what I would do if I lost her now. It sounRAB selfish but I am not ready! She is not only my Grandma but I am honored to say she is one of my dearest frienRAB.

Needless to say, I am at Mom's a day early. Took tomorrow off as I knew she would need my help with all of this going on. We just got home from the hospital about an hour ago. Mom went straight to bed she was so exhausted and I was so wound up I could not sleep so of course... I come here. My second home. So get this....... There is a bottle of percocet no more than 100 feet away from me and I have NO URGE to take any. I have bigger things on my miind like my Grandmothers life, my Mothers well being and of course YOU GUYS! I am so proud. I have won today's battle tomorrow I will have that talk like I said I would with her but honestly... we are not even going to be home all day. We will be back at the hospital. I feel a lot of strength and I really think I can do it you guys! I really believe in myself right now! I pray that does not chance (hence the talk about the meRAB with Mom so I have a back up in case I falter)

I just wanted to share with you guys my victory and I wanted to THANK YOU ALL for helping me get here.. Helping me mentally prepare and telling me the truth even when sometimes the truth hurts. I am a brutally honest person (besides me hiding my addiction from everyone in my life) and I appreciate you all telling me the things I NEEDED to hear most. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You all mean more to me than you will EVER know. I will be up for a while... Too worried to sleep so I am sure I will be posting away!

XOXOXOXOOX

I never heard anything back from anyone so now i am just fearful you all think I am freakish!! hahahahhaaha