Thread: So.... I am training for THE BATTLE

You know, Sub is right. I have pills in my house too. I do the same thing he does. I don't take them. I look at them and get mad as well. Sub, are you a Taurus? LOL!!!

You do not need to feel ashamed for anything, Secrets!!! You are stronger than you think, because you are not using right now. As bad as the cravings get, you aren't using. That tells us that you are very tough!!! You are also very caring and compassionate person who helps everyone out. We all want you to know that we are here for you. We are just going to take one day at a time, that is all we can do. Hang in there, sweetie!!!!

Yes, you are so right! I am 25 for another couple of days. I turn 26th on April 1st.

You are right on the fact that I have my whole life ahead of me and I don't want to bow it. I want babies and I want them soon!! hahah Baby fever big time. However, I know i need more time to recover from this and also for hubby and I to get our finances in order.

I REALLY have been trying to find the courage to attend a meeting.... I am such a CHICKEN..... I have a hard time with the thought of looking at a real life person and saying... I AM AN ADDICT... let alone telling my family because my husband would certainly need to know where I am running off too.. I have to find the strength in order to beat this.. I am digging deep and making big steps but I need to make that big leap.

Thanks again for your worRAB! So are you sticking around the addiction board or what?? hahhahhaha Let me know!

:wave:thought i would check in hope all is well . been taking a break from computer . as i said before it can get addicting its 1200 am . keep hanging in there. scott

Emsmom,

I see you are still up too.. Just wondering what you thought of the update below and if you think I should go ahead with my plan for tomorrow. Your worRAB really really hit me just where i needed them to in your earlier post so thank you for them!
XOXOXOOXXOX

Thanks for sharing all of that. You have given me a lot to think about! Let me give this some good thought and then I will think about it again like you said and then..... I will get back to you. I think this may be what I need to figure out why I have not told him...... Thank you again!
XOXOXOX

Anytime, my friend

Just thought I'd check in (also) and say hello. Hope your weekend is going well

emsmom

Hi Secrets,

Not to sound like the bad guy, however I feel as though you're putting yourself in a position to relapse. I understand if you cannot tell your mother about your addiction, trust me I understand. I couldn't tell my parents for THE longest time. Eventually I did and I was so surprised by their reaction (they were supportive, cried for me, told me they loved me and would help any way they can) however, it's not all candies and lollipops with every family, is it?

So, here's the harsh part...

You are going to her house, knowing your drug of choice will be there, however you haven't taken any steps to protect yourself. To be honest my friend, we can tell ourselves a million times "I won't touch those pills" before you get there, but you know as much as I know that it is going to be SO tempting, so is there anything, anything at all you can do to protect yourself? Perhaps, instead of telling your mom about your addiction, you could bring up that conversation you had last year - tell her you "might" have had an addiction to those pills, but really aren't sure, so ask her to put them away somewhere. Tell her it would make you feel more comfortable if they were "out of site, out of mind" - that way you won't even have to think about them being around. The resource won't be there anymore.

Now, if you do have this conversation with your mom, it may open that door a little, just enough for you to peak in at her reaction if you ever "did" tell her everything.

Just a thought, but I'm concerned about you protecting yourself. Having pills just sitting there, is NOT a good idea when you're so early into your recovery.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend with your mom - keep in touch, let us know how everything goes

Love emsmom

Dear Secrets,

First of all Congrats!!! I am SO proud of you for talking to your mom. I understand the weight that is carried when holding something in of this magnitude. You've opened the door to that conversation (with your mom), and it's in your hanRAB if you ever want to take it any further

Second of all, I'm sorry I didn't read your previous post to me (asking my opinon last night) - If I'm up in the middle of the night, I usually read everyone's post's only once. Plus, you're like a social butterfly - You write so often, it's hard to keep up with you! I do admire your way of writing, though. There is a flow of eloquence and compassion in your worRAB, yet with genuine sincerity. So, please don'tbe offended at my "social butterfly" comment

You really have come a long way, Secrets. I think you're on a great road to recovery, with a good head on your shoulders. You almost always seem to spin any situation into a positive one, and that's definitely not always an easy task at hand. I hope you continue down this road, cause I think you're doing a great job

As for the NA thing - I tried it, twice in fact. The first time going into those rooms, I was still using Oxycontin, just wanted to put a foot in the door and see "What is this all about?" I didn't actually get clean for almost another year. I went to Rehab last summer (July/August '08), subsequently attending NA meetings. My second time around the rooms, I was not as shy, however I just couldn't get into it. I dreaded sitting in those chairs for an hour or two and eventually stopped going. I still have a sponsor. He completely understanRAB that some people just aren't "the NA type" yet still agreed to be there for me. On occasion, I attend a meeting (his three year medallion, another frienRAB' key-tag pick-up etc.). So for now, I have my addictions Dr. at my local hospital and my addictions counsellor, who I meet with twice a week (or more if I need them).

Now, the reason I told you I do not go anymore, is not to show you that you don't really have to - It's to show you that I tried - It didn't work out for me. Getting the courage to walk into those rooms for the first time was almost impossible for me. However, once I did, I felt so good. I felt welcome, a part of someone else's world, respected and loved. When I said "Hi, my name is 'emsmom' and I'm an addict" for the first time, I was almost crying but everyone made me feel like it was ok. Newcomers are always treated delicately, cause that's what newcomers are - delicate, vulnerable flowers (in my opinion).

Basically, I'm just saying it would be good if you tried NA. Right now, you have these boarRAB, and I can see you're doing so well, however just imagine if NA worked out for you, wouldn't it be great to have another place to go or another set of people to talk to in the event that something else happened down the road?

Of course, if you considered going to NA, you'd have alot more people in your immediate life you'd have to confide in, however it's just a thought. When you decide to make that big leap, we're all here for you, I'm here for you and I look forward to the day you open up to your family - I'm sure it will happen in time my dear

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and I hope your grandma is doing ok.

Love and hugs,
emsmom

P.s I think that's the longest post I've ever written. It took me five minutes just to spell-check

Secrets,

Just want to wish you luck with the cardiologist. I hope everything goes well. Keep in mind that you are vulnerable right now, especially with your grandma being ill. You have to be vigilante - those pills are still at your moms house and you are so early into your recovery. If anything, God forbid, should go wrong with your grandma, those pills are something you may turn to. Just protect yourself, my friend. You're doing great, I'm very proud of you and admire your strength

Much love,
emsmom